Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
Therapist . Speaker . Author
Here’s to some fresh perspectives on coping. I decided to reach out to some of my favorite bloggers and pose a question that’s in line with the theme of my blog – rising above adversity.
As the saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” What helps you get going when you encounter obstacles in life?
I’ve compiled responses from 14 bloggers:
Alex Blackwell The Bridgemaker
My faith. My faith helps me overcome the obstacles I encounter. When things don’t go as planned, I step back and remember that I’ve been successful in difficult situations before. This knowledge fuels my faith and helps me to keep moving forward.
Annabel Candy Get In The Hot Spot
When I encounter obstacles I tap into my inner stubbornness.
I really believe anyone can do anything if they put their mind too it but having a positive mindset is crucial.
For me staying happy, and healthy are keys to achieving success in anything so I exercise most days. It doesn’t need to be a full on sweat session. A brisk walk will set me up for the day and make sure I’m in the mood to handle anything.
The other thing that helps is knowing that nothing lasts forever. Those tough times you’re having now will be over soon enough. If you can only just keep going one more day you’ll come out the other side stronger and wiser.
I’ve also learned that progress is never linear. Life always throws new obstacles in front of you but that’s part of the journey. Keep going no matter what and you’ll get over them. Sunnier days are always just round the corner.
Courtney Carver Be More With Less
When I encounter obstacles in life, the first thing I try to do is put the obstacle into perspective. Is it really as bad as I think it is at this moment? After receiving an MS diagnosis in 2006, I realize that when our emotions take over, things can seem much worse than they actually are. The months just before and after my diagnosis were so scary and unnerving, but just a few months later, I settled into my new normal and realized that much of my panic was unnecessary.
Once I rationally assess the reality of the situation, I live to be proactive in working through it. This often requires asking for help and being open to change. Both of those things can be challenging, but neither have failed me yet.
Barrie Davenport Live Bold and Bloom
I have found that the best way to overcome obstacles is to stop thinking and start doing. I used to spend a lot of time in my head, trying to figure out why something was happening, what it meant, and how I could fix it. Now, I spend just enough time in my head to ask myself some practical questions about the situation — and then I act. Forward movement, even if you aren’t 100% sure you are going in the best direction, is the remedy for inertia, fear, and difficulties. When you take action, you feel in control of your life and your circumstances. Fretting and worry only make you feel worse.
Lori Deschene Tiny Buddha
The one thing that helps me get going is to ask myself, “What would the person you want to be do?” The person I want to be has fears, but acts in spite of them. She has challenges, but chooses to learn from them. She stumbles, but works to get up a little more quickly with each fall. When I remember these ideas and do my best to honor them, I feel proud of myself, because I know that even though I am not perfect, I am doing the best I can. I can’t always control my circumstances, but I can control whether or not I deal with them with courage, strength, and integrity.
Tracey Jackson Tracey Jackson
I often times want to give up; not give up so much as not put so much out there. I want to pull in, as I find these days people are very tense, nervous and they are lashing out.
I put myself out there in what I do, and often get attacked. People think I’m tough as I’m transparent and they think I don’t get hurt. I do, quite often. Many times I feel why bother? Why write? Why blog? Why not just be with my kids and do the things I want, take the classes I want and see my friends?
I often lay myself bare for others to step on. Then I see that I help one person, one person sends an email or a note how much something I said or did helped them, made them feel less alone or got them to do something they were afraid of. Today a woman emailed and said she is getting her first mammogram because of a blog I wrote and in those moments I get the strength I need to keep putting it out there.
And when those things don’t come through I somehow have this inner voice, it is the voice on the sidelines that has kept cheering me on my entire life. When I have faced rejection, disappointment or not the success I had hoped or worked for, it just says what’s the point of being here if you don’t do something constructive with your time. We are her for such a brief time, make it count?.
And then there are the words of my grandfather, the last words he ever spoke to me, “Do something with your life.” And I hear him and sometimes I keep going to make him proud and because he was so right.
Tess Marshall The Bold Life
I step-up my spiritual practices and principles. I attend a support group where people will support me and get me on the straight and narrow. I ask for help. I walk my talk, I do what I tell my clients to do, I journal, I pray, I do the work, I study A Course In Miracles, I meditate, I take any action I can in the right direction. After that I surrender and let the rest go.
Justin Mazza Mazzastick.com
What obstacles, Just kidding! Whenever I feel myself get stuck I always stop what I am doing and center myself through breathing exercises and meditation. This really works and I will tell you how.
Whenever we perceive obstacles in the outer world they are a direct reflection of blocks in our “inner world” better known as subconscious limiting beliefs.
While I was in the process if finishing my latest eBook: Guide 4 New Bloggers, I began to experience a block. I was 98% there, almost at the finish line and I just had to upload the Ebook and publish the promotion post.
So, I allowed my subconscious thoughts to surface after centering myself, so I could find out why I was feeling resistance to promoting and selling my latest eBook. Well, the subconscious beliefs were, what if no one buys it, what if I get a lot of returns, what if someone steals it and so on.
I had to “squash” these limiting beliefs with new and empowering ones. I said to myself that people will buy this book because I have provided much value in it. No one is going to steal it, they can’t. Every business gets returns, it’s part of doing business.
After placating my limiting beliefs I was able to get going again.
Marcus Sheridan The Sales Lion
I think there are a few different things I do Harriet, and I appreciate you asking.
1. I expect resistance– Although I’m certainly not willing resistance into my life, I understand that stuff happens. It’s not always going to go perfectly, and in fact it’s usually in the moments of most difficulty do we learn the most about ourselves as persons.
2. Family perspective– When bad things happen, I often times think about my wife and 4 children. They always bring me perspective. And when I consider the fact that they’re in my life, other problems seem much smaller.
3. I get to work– I’m not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I also chock up problems quickly. Once done, they’re done. Can’t change ’em, so the only option is moving forward…and working as hard as I can to get better and fix whatever the issue is.
4. Balance– Problems just aren’t mental. They’re physical, spiritual, etc. This is why I try to maintain balance. I workout everyday. I attend church. These things and much more bring balance to all areas of my life.
Adrienne Smith Adrienne Smith.net
I look at obstacles as just a bump in the road. No one breezes through life with no problems, worries or difficulties. I just take some deep breaths, I look at this as some lesson I’m suppose to learn and I keep the faith that I will get through this. I know it doesn’t seem possible at times but had it not been for some road blocks in my life, I don’t believe I’d be where I am today. So I keep my faith that God will bring me through this and it’s just another lesson I am suppose to learn. I quit sweating the small stuff years ago and only remain in the present moment. I quit worrying about things that are out of my control. I just concentrate on what I’m doing at that very moment and know that everything will work out like it should. That’s how I encounter obstacles in my life.
Jacob Sokol Sensophy
One of the things that helps me get through tough situations is developing strategies for coping with them before they arise. For instance, when I approach a situation that makes me nervous – let’s say public speaking – I know that I need to CONSCIOUSLY focus on my breath. I take deep breaths and they starts to relax my mind, body, and soul. Another example is sometimes I’ll have a “negative” thought pop up in my head. In the past, these thoughts would sabotage me, but now I’m lightning quick to label that thought as what it really is – usually anxiety or fear – and I don’t take the “negative” thought personally. This enables me to not dwell on it but instead notice that I’m anxious or afraid and plan my next step accordingly. Having pre-determined methods for making it thought life’s madness are a key component for how I’m able to get thought things when “the going gets tough!”
David Stevens PersonalPower4Me
The “going” is quite tough for me at present in certain areas, so this is timely and again allows me to reflect on my situation.
I firstly do a check on my “defenses”. These are my assets, my strengths…..are they still holding or do they need reinforcing? If I am coming from a strong enough base then I am confident that I can withstand the tough challenges. If I feel that my base has weakened I will review my strategy and rebuild to a place of strength.
This all may sound complicated but really it’s about reviewing one’s situation. Times change, situations change and challenges at times become tougher. Therefore you need to be vigilant and make sure that you are fully equipped. One needs to have Traction before taking effective Action.
My killer weapon is keeping the Big Picture always in mind. This won’t allow obstacles to put you off track, at least not for too long. Keeping your bigger picture firmly in frame will give you the motivation to defeat any obstacles.
P.S. Make sure that your “Big Picture” is clear enough. The clearer the better otherwise the motivation will wane.
Katie Tallo Momentum Gathering
Sometimes writing about the obstacle helps flesh it out, but more often than not, a walk out in nature gets me grounded again and feeling balanced enough to take those first steps towards facing the problem head on. You see, in nature, there’s a letting go, a distancing from the emotions of a situation, and an embracing of what truly matters. A stroll through rolling hills and lovely trees reminds me that nothing is so terrible it cannot be worked through and that life is unfolding naturally. I flow back into life’s rhythms instead of fighting them. Sometimes it takes a few long walks to get there.
Jimmy Tong My Life Architects
I view obstacles in life as something that creates discomfort in our life. Anything that make life uncomfortable are therefore negative, supposedly. But that is the old way of looking at things. Obstacles are in fact something that will force you to do something different. As a result it will grow you.
When obstacles show up in our lives, the way I have learnt to deal with it is in the following steps:
1) Refocus on the end result not the obstacle.
2) Study the obstacle. Find out all details you can about your problem. Seek other people’s opinion if you have the time to get alternative perspectives.
3) Evaluate all available resources.
4) Brainstorm for ways to overcome the obstacles.
5) Choose the best intuitively and take action.
6) Repeat with next idea if first plan fail.
Step one is really crucial for me. Focusing on the end brings hope and strength. You will know that one day, you will reach you destination no matter what. That’s important.
Knowing other people who have gone through the same obstacles also helps.
And so you have it. Fourteen responses from personal development and inspirational bloggers.
Care to join in and share your ways of handling obstacles? Let’s hear from you.
Thanks Harriet,
You have done a fine job compiling this. Interesting to see others’ take on this. Barries’s is refreshing…..take action, don’t overthink, get moving.
Thank you again.
be good to yourself
David
Hi David,
Thanks for being a part of this. I loved doing it and getting a bunch of people’s ‘take’ on this subject.
Thanks for compiling this Harriet and inviting me to contribute:) Honored to be here! There’s a lot of sound advice here and I do love what Jacob says:
“One of the things that helps me get through tough situations is developing strategies for coping with them before they arise.”
That is so true. I agree with Barrie that worry is not good but a little bit of it can help us come up with advance strategies to copy if something bad happens. Once we have that sorted we can stop worrying:)
Hi Annabel,
Thank you for participating.
Yes, I like Jacob’s idea there too. It’s like building our immune system so it’s strong enough to fight off infection and illness. We need to build ourselves up all around so we can be strong to deal with what life throws at us.
Thanks for commenting and for tweeting this.
Harriet,
This is a wonderful collection of answers, and inspiration, for finding ways to cope when things get tough. More than the replies you received, it’s good see none of us are alone when it comes to dealing with difficult times!
Best,
Alex
Hi Alex,
I’m so glad you’re a part of this.
You certainly have seen most recently from your sorrow and difficult times that you are not alone. You have a very supportive and caring online community. Words of comfort go a long way.
Thank you for comment.
Harriet,
This is wonderful advice you’ve compiled. Thanks for inviting me to participate. I like nature as well and running combined with it means my head is clear and all is well!
Hi Tess,
Thank you for participating here.
I too love nature, the outdoors. I’m a daily walker and there’s nothing like it for thinking and getting my head clear and focused.
Thanks for your comment.
I’m with you Tess. Nature works out the kinks in life. What great answers – so different and yet interconnected – some suggest taking pause while others focus on taking action. David’s advice to keep the big picture in mind really resonates with me – and making sure that picture is strong and clear. That helps me when thinking about forging through indecision. Thanks for putting this together, Harriet.
Hi Katie,
Thank you for being a part of this.
Good way of summing it up – some go for the pause while others go for the action. I think we need both. Pause for reflection and focus, and action for doing what we need to do to help ourselves and others.
I call that ‘big picture’ purpose. When we keep that in mind it certainly helps us forge ahead.
Thank you for commenting and tweeting.
Thank you for including me Harriet, I am among some wonderful bloggers.
It’s great to see how others handle things. Life will hand us obstacles at times and it’s how we deal with them that’s important. I appreciate you putting this post together and reminding us that life is one big lesson after another.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne,
Thank you for being a part of my newest endeavor with blogging.
Yes, it is in the How that’s important; how we deal with what life gives us. If we can view life as ‘one big lesson after another’ we can view learning and growing as key ingredients of a well-lived life.
Thanks for your comment.
Hi Harriet — a wonderful post — thank you for this wealth of wisdom and inspiration. I already admire a few of the contributors, and am hoping to connect with others, especially those who see Nature as central to their well-being.
Hi Jeffrey, (looked you up on your site to find your name)
Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I love meeting a new person here. I’m glad you found this to be filled with wisdom and inspiration. That was my hope.
Yes, I see that you are a ‘nature’ man. I too love the outdoors. I walk daily, outdoors (by my track) and by the beach. I also hike. There’s nothing like being by the ocean or being in the woods to feel connected to something larger than oneself.
Hope to ‘see’ you again.
Hi Harriet,
I am so glad that you were able to get all of us together and create such an awesome post. Great idea, wish I would of thought of it. 🙂
I like being able to read everyone’s own unique response and point of view. Everyone did an excellent job in participating here.
Hi Justin,
Thank you for being a part of this. And thank you for your complimentary comment. I’m glad you enjoyed reading everyone’s response.
All the best.
Hi Harriet,
Just discovered your blog through my friend Alex Blackwell and as I am currently dealing with a major health obstacle in my life- I am inspired by this post and see many of my friends here too:)
Hi Suzie,
Glad you came by. I’m sorry you are going through some tough health issues. This post came at a good time for you. Hope this gives you some motivation to plow along.
I wish you the best. Thank you for your comment.
What a wonderful post Harriet! There are so many helpful ideas in here. I love the suggestion to stop thinking and start doing, and also the reminder about perspective. Thank you for including me =)
Hi Lori,
All thanks go to you. It is because of you that this post was done. I thank you for your wonderful guidance, mentorship and encouragement. I’m excited about your new projects coming to fruition. You deserve it all.
I read a lot of “life style” blogs and think “Yes but you are all young folk and have no idea what it is like in the 4th quarter century – what good are your words to me?” Then I discovered a blogger who is a year older! Try reading “The Happy Seeker” to know what you are heading for – he has renewed my faith in what lies ahead even this late in life.
Hi Arthur,
Glad you stopped by to read this.
I know The Happy Seeker; I subscribe to his blog and have commented there numerous times. He’s great! I’m glad you have gotten renewed faith from him and his blog.
You are right. I am a middle-ager and have no idea what it’s like in the 4th quarter century. I only know where I’ve been and where I am now. I only know the experiences I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned from them, and those I’m having now. I only hope the lessons I’ve learned will carry me through to my older age, and the rest I will learn as I go. I hope to continue to evolve and grow.
Thank you for your comment. Hope to ‘see’ you again; perhaps some ideas will resonate for you, however ‘young’ they may appear. You might enjoy reading this post: http://rebuildyourlifecoach.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/10-ways-to-be-playful/
Hi Harriet,
Very timely for me. Thank you once again. I have what at first seems to be a dreaded obstacle. It’s so shame- based it takes courage to admit, but here I go…I smoke cigarettes, not that many I rationalize, but nonetheless,I do smoke cigarettes cigarettes and that is what is true. It is totally at odds with improving my daily life and valuing my worth. It directly affects my self esteem. I see this as an obstacle to furthering my endeavors, but I also know that I have to do the work and inspect what I consider to be the risks and benefits. I do believe that our bodies are indeed our temples and it’s important to put into them the best things we can.
I’ve always been afraid to quit because I’ve told myself it’s the last naughty pleasure I have, as I don’t drink use illicit drugs…blah, blah. The truth is I’m very ashamed of smoking and I tend to hide, that is smoke where the least amount of people will see me. I never imagined I’d admit it on line for all to see.
I’m beginning to see that since it makes me feel so bad about myself I should be open to change and the challenge it presents. I’ll be journaling a list of the risks and the imagined benefits soon, as this has been on my mind daily..I can no longer rationalize it without seeing the total insanity involved.
I see it as a reward, a way to deal with stress, a way to not be there, ect. The negative side is I already have health issues and it is far from being a reward because it keeps me feeling bad about myself as I hide and smoke. I ask myself, “how can you value your God-given life while willingly putting poison in your body? I friend once told me long ago that “cigarettes are like little tiny guns with little tiny bullets.” He after quitting died of lung cancer a scant few years later. For a long time I said to myself, “see, he died of lung cancer anyway.”
So, regardless of the issue of my friend from years ago, I realizez he quit for a reason, and a good one at that. Regardless of whether I pass resulting from cancer or not, the huge gain is I can stop feeling ashamed and start knowing I truly care about and value myself. Since I broke my hip in August (quit for 2 months during that time) so many things have taken a major shift I’m my life. I knew almost from the start that smoking would rear it’s smelly nasty head and reveal itself as the self-destructive behavior that it is.
So now is the time to approach it, take a good look at it, and take the necessary action it will take to overcome it. First I have to deal with the fear of loss. I clearly won’t drop dead if I don’t smoke. I will envision myself as a nonsmoker after reviewing my risks and benefits list. I will be willing to fill the time of craving with some other activity. So what if I feel like I can’t have what I want for awhile. While envisioning myself as a nonsmoker I will see how good it feels to be rid of the low self-esteem, guilt, and shame. It will sure be nice to not be adding money to the tobacco companies that shamelessly continue to reap in fortunes from a product that is directly linked to lung,throat, head and neck cancers, and all the other areas of the body nicotine and all combined poisonous chemicals attack like heart and circulation (vascular). I have to put this obstacle in perspective and know I can deal with it to work toward the result. I quit drinking. I quit doing drugs. I should be able to quit tobacco too. There are so many positive benefits to be gained. I can stop feeling like a phoney seeking e lightenment to a real human being who values my wonderful life. Thanks for the post!
Hi Sal,
Thanks for coming by.
You’ve admitted your obstacle online, out loud, for all to read and know. There you did it. It’s really out there.
You’ve expressed it all so well. You are Ready to go – take the action step of stopping smoking. You Will do it and you Will feel Good about it; Great about it and about You for doing it.
Now Go and Quit!! Day number 1………as they say, one day at a time……
Hi Harriet,
I know this us a bit late. But the preparation for the wedding this Sunday is driving me nuts. Haha.
Thank you for featuring me amongst the giants of the blogosphere. It is a real honor to be featured. They have such great ideas and pure hearts. I found a few new ones to start exploring as well.
Cheers
Hi Jimmy,
Glad you found some new bloggers to ‘explore’. It’s all about sharing.
Congratulations on your wedding Sunday. Have Fun and hold onto those moments.
What an amazing list of people in one post. Very interesting to read how other people get through those times.
Recently I went through a bought of anxiety. I never really had anxiety before in my life, and I’ve done enough research now to find it’s one of those things that happens at a certain age, sort of like the adolescent hormonal thing many years back. However, it was unnerving. I had to use all of my personal resources to get out of it.
Mine getting out of tough times go to is exercise. Consistent exercise. And I found out more exercise during that anxiety ride was better. I’m through it now, or it feels like I am and I realized the whole thing brought me to a much better place. For instance, I stopped eating crappy food, cut out most sugar, and the daily glass of wine or two is not part of my life right now. It feels awesome.
I believe by keeping the big picture, and like Courtney said keep it in perspective and the panic is usually unnecessary.
Aloha Wags!
Hi Jt,
Nice to meet you. Thank you for coming by and commenting.
I also find exercise is a great de-stressor. When my daughter was very ill, I walked everyday and I found it to be a tremendous help in keeping up my strength, both physically and psychologically.
I’m glad you’re doing better now. Doing what’s in our control to help ourselves feel good, is empowering, specifically when we’re at a low time in our lives.
Hope to ‘see’ you again.
Wow! Look at all these comments. Congratz!!!
Hi Jacob,
Thanks for your support. You were a big help.
Best to you.
I go by the saying ;” everything will be fine in the end, if it’s not fine, it’s not the end”. That’s what keeps me moving! Awesome list;)
Hi Tram,
Nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I see (from facebook) you came by via Jacob.
Interesting saying. Never heard it before. As they say, whatever keeps you going. Glad you found the list ‘awesome’.
Hope to ‘see’ you again.
Harriet, aloha. What a great compilation from some truly wonderful bloggers. One of the great things about is is that people reading it will realize that they are not alone, that everyone face challenges, obstacles even though they are not readily apparent.
My way of getting through, Harriet, is to focus on what I want rather than the obstacles. If I keep that focus, the obstacles lose their power, their hold or their ability to knock me off track.
Your terrific question generated some truly inspired answers. Thank you for taking the time to put this together.
Best wishes for the week ahead. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Hi Janet,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I’m so glad you liked the question and ‘inspired answers’.
I like that – if we can focus on what we want rather than the obstacles, then they lose their power. I’m certainly going to keep that one in mind.
And yes, we all have ‘stuff’ – obstacles, problems, issues – whatever word we choose to use; stuff that’s difficult in our lives. The key is to be able to live well beyond the difficulties.
Love this compilation of insights, Harriet! And it was such a joy to finally get a chance to connect with you by phone this week. Hope your weekend was wonderful.
Hi Laurie,
Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you liked the insights.
Yes, it was great to actually speak on the phone. That’s one of the big benefits of connecting with people through blogging – when you get to speak, it all comes alive. Love it!
Harriet, What an awesome idea for a post! I relate mostly to Courtney and Annabel’s ways of facing obstacles.
A few things that I look at in rising above obstacles:
~Is the obstacle internal or external
~What choices/options do I have
~What questions are in front of me
~Is my/family/system reaction bigger than the problem
~Remembering this too shall pass
~Obstacles are an opportunity for learning
Hi Marci,
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment. I’m glad you liked this post.
I love your additions to rising above obstacles. Sometimes our reactions are bigger than the problem; and sometimes we worry in advance of a problem that never ends up materializing. I always say, what a waste of worry. I tell myself not to worry in advance; they’ll be plenty of ‘worry’ time if the fear of a ‘bad’ situation actually becomes a reality.
Thanks for your great list.
I’m glad you’re feeling better.
Hii,, Nice review there is som many review out there, but your site still in the front of my choice.
Hi Jerald,
Welcome. Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Appreciate your nice words. Glad you like the site and hope you have some good take-aways from here.
Best to you. ‘See’ you again.