Ever need that solitary boost – when you’re feeling a bit down or quietly introspective or just need to recharge yourself?

How do you soothe your soul? What brings you back to a calmer state, a feeling of well-being, of security and warmth?

5 Ways to soothe your soul:

1.  Sit by the ocean watching and listening to the waves. Feel the breeze, smell the salt, touch the velvety sand. All our senses come alive.

One of my favorite things to do on a summer evening, (after the official lifeguard hours are over) is to climb up onto the lifeguard chair and look out into the huge expanse of water, watching darkness take over. I am swept to another place as total relaxation enters into my body. My thought is always, how the world is so beyond us- in expanse, in depth, in scope, in understanding.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.”  EE.Cummings

2.  Sit with a fun mug of tea, coffee or hot chocolate- whatever you fancy. Embrace the mug and feel its warmth. Let it take care of you. It can be a pleasurable activity in its own right when we drink it mindfully.

Hot chocolate is my preference with lots of foam served in a big fat mug; the hotter the better. When I’m not in the mood for chocolate (a rarity) then tea is the drink of nurturance. And TJMaxx is the place for those funky mugs.

“If you are cold, tea will warm you; If you are too heated, it will cool you; If you are depressed, it will cheer you; If you are excited, it will calm you.” Gladstone (1865) Victorian British Prime Minister

　3.  Light a scented candle and climb into your cozy spot with a good   book. Take in the smell and take in the words. It can transport you.…

My husband and I just returned from our activity-filled vacation week to New Mexico.  When we saw our zebra-like suitcase appear on the baggage carousel we got excited.   

It brings to mind our luggage-free vacation a couple of years ago.  Apparently our suitcase had done some good traveling throughout Italy while we spent our 10 days hiking the Dolomites and traveling around without it.  Our stand-out funky suitcase never reached us; it went lost.

How did we have a good vacation without luggage?

Self-talk message #1 –   Make the decision to have a good vacation anyway.  Lost luggage was not going to ruin that long awaited dream trip.  It creates some inconveniences like spending time shopping for those few essential items and some articles of clothing, but it cannot take away the joy of being away unless we allow it to. 

We were in Venice.  We focused on the little bridge by our hotel that beckoned to us, “come explore,” it seemed to say.  And so with our hiking shoes which we wore on the plane and our airplane clothes which had dried overnight on our porch, we set out walking the romantic city of canals. 

Self-talk message #2 -   They are really only Things (that were in our suitcase).  As the saying goes, “the most important things in life are not things.”  Our health and attitude were our cherished commodities, and our cameras (which were in our carry-on) and that’s what we kept telling ourselves and being grateful for.  The old, ‘it could’ve been worse’ line of thinking definitely came in handy.   And of course a sense of  humor about it all, mostly attributed to my husband, Alan.   

Late nights were spent blow-drying our alternate pairs of socks and underwear so they’d be ready for our next day’s adventure.  At $12 a pop, I figured washing more often wasn’t a bad option.  

I quickly learned not to look at myself too closely in the mirror. …

Let’s reflect on some basic ways of reaching out and providing support to a friend, family member, or even acquaintance who is going through a hard time. 

We tend to feel alone with our troubles.  We feel nobody else knows what we’re going through.  This feeling of isolation further adds to the despair of the problem itself.   We want to be cared about, thought about and understood even more so during a time of need. 

Providing emotional support as well as concrete help, are crucial in ameliorating some of the loneliness we feel when going through trying times.    

How can we be of help?

• Be a Good listener. 
• Call to check in periodically despite the lack of a return call.  A thoughtful message and good wishes goes a long way.
• Cook or bake a comfort-food dish or something you know the person really likes. 
• Be proactive in offering help; don’t wait to be asked.  “How can I help you; what do you need or want.” 
• Send a card with a personal note expressing the person’s good qualities and what you value in them.   We all need to hear it sometimes, especially during a low period. 
• Visit  (unless the person wants to be alone). 
• Get others involved in helping.
• Look for ways to take over some of the extraneous responsibilities.
• Anticipate the person’s needs (if you know them well enough)  and see how you can do something to meet it.
• Be there, even if there’s nothing you can do.  In our feeling helpless to change the situation, our presence does matter.  

For many, it is very hard to ask for help. 

What can you add to the above list so we can {proactively}  be there for someone in need?   Please share in your comments below.

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“I’ve reached a place where I can say that grief is not about recovery or resolution or being fully healed.  It’s about living without someone, but still embracing life.”

I am pleased to introduce Natalie Taylor, a young woman who has unfortunately learned about the fragility of life way too early – at the beginning of her married life.   While pregnant with her first child, Natalie’s husband, Josh, died suddenly in a tragic carveboarding (skateboarding)  accident.    

Ms. Taylor’s book, Signs of Life, is her powerfully written memoir in a very down-to-earth style, of her journey through sadness and joy, grief and hope, as she finds the strength and courage to rebuild her life with her son, Kai.

What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move forward in a positive direction?

One thing was that my husband was so excited about life and he was just really enthusiastic and spontaneous and lived in the moment.  And after he passed away I was so sad all the time, and after a while I realized that this is not how he would want me to live.  So I tried to channel his energy of appreciating even the smallest opportunities we get.  I tried to force myself to appreciate the moment, not take for granted the time I have with my son. 

The other thing is that my family has done a really good job of always asserting throughout my childhood this idea of work ethic which sounds really weird next to grief.  It doesn’t matter if you have to go to plan B, you go to plan B.  You do whatever you have to do to keep going, to survive, to get your head in the right place.  No matter what I’ve ever participated in, whether I played soccer or was on a team or taking graduate courses, I always told myself, maybe I’m not the smartest person in the room or on the field, or maybe I’m not the most talented, but I can always be the person who works the hardest. …