“When my middle daughter, Nava, was diagnosed as having developmental disabilities, I went through this grieving process intensely; and I could not have done it alone. I had the help of a wonderful grief therapist, Dr. Ken Moses. “
I ranted over and over again, I emoted intense feelings of rage, jealousy, bitterness and the Why Me theme over and over. Dr. Moses and his office became my safe dumping ground for one year. I unloaded the brutally heavy weight of negative feelings and he picked them up and held them all for me, gently and strongly, with compassion, while teasing out strands of thoughts, ideas and questions.
For me the difficulty was in trying to make sense of the senseless; trying to understand an unknown, a fluke of nature. I have always felt if I could understand something then I could deal and cope with it better. Here (my daughter’s disability) was something that had no explanation, no reason.
And so I went through the process of questioning in search of some meaning to my personal misfortune. I had to make sense of it. I was like Govinda in Hermann Hesse’s book Siddhartha, I wanted “something that I can conceive, something I can understand! Give me something to help me on my way. My path is hard and dark.”
Somehow, going through this therapy helped reduce my intense feelings of bitterness, anger and resentment. There were no ‘real’ answers, but there was a gradual shift in my emotions. Until I could work through some of these negative feelings, all I could see was darkness and negativity- all that Nava wasn’t and all that she couldn’t do. But gradually with the release of the intensity of pain, I started to see and appreciate all that she was- with her smiley disposition, her hard work with hardly a complaint, her easy-going nature – all blessings of a soul. …