There’s always a first time.  I had a first this past weekend – a flat tire on my bicycle.  I am not an avid biker; I bike for leisure and pleasure every now and then.  This Sunday was a perfect spring day here in New York and I woke up saying to hubby Alan, “let’s bike over the George Washington Bridge; we’ve never done that before.”  There’s a beautiful path along the Hudson River which goes from lower Manhattan all the way up to the bridge, about 13 miles.  We picked up the path about 5 miles before the bridge and biked along parts we had never been.  It’s always an adventure discovering new areas.  Huge barbeques with tents pitched along the river, it’s a great backyard for the apartment dwellers of upper Manhattan.   

The route up to the bridge was quite hilly through beautiful natural preserve areas I never knew existed.  Traveling by car along this route my entire life never allowed me to see all these inner, hidden paths of nature. 

Riding along the walk/bike path over the bridge afforded me a fresh perspective of a view I have seen for decades.   Stopping to take pictures, seeing for the first time a little red lighthouse at the base of the bridge, feeling the city skyline blowing towards me, was a fun treat. 

Being a slow leisurely rider (although a very fast walker) I tell Alan to go ahead and ride at his comfortable speed.  As I neared the end of the bridge, I suddenly can’t seem to get my balance well.  I’m swerving too much.  I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.  Then I think, maybe the basket is hitting the wheel in an off position.  I get off and check and lo and behold I see my front tire is totally flat and almost off the rim.   My first thought is, “Oh no, now what.”  Then I quickly switch into the thought of “this is quite amusing; I have never even thought of the possibility of a flat tire on a bike.  …

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.  We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”  Albert Einstein

This quote says it all.  There is a part of us that is way under-utilized.  The gift of our own inner voice speaking to us from the depths of our souls is an untapped source of potential, wisdom and enrichment for our lives.   

In my mid-life, I’m first tuning into this now.  I’ve always known about intuition but never paid much attention to it.  The tangible and ‘seeing’ stuff had the front seat of my awareness.  In the past few years as I’ve grown more in depth and spirituality this idea of gut feelings, signs and intuitiveness has taken a more prominent place in my consciousness.   When I do my daily walking, I pay attention to all the thoughts that run through my head.  I talk and I listen attentively to myself.  This is where and when I get some of my best clarity, and messages.    

I would like to share with you the voice of intuition from a very wise and intuitive coach.  Angela Artemis teaches us how to tap into and bring to the forefront our hidden voice, and how to recognize and pay attention to those ‘funny’ signs.   Her book, The Intuition Principle is a wonderful combination of concepts and practice.  It’s a great guide to an often overlooked and perhaps a bit mysterious part of our being.   You can get a taste of what this is all about right here in my interview with Angela. 

     1.      What is intuition?

Intuition is our own inner guidance.  It is a small voice we often hear like a whisper, that gently nudges us to make the right choices and decisions in our lives.  It can tell us when we should be wary of a person and when we should act on an opportunity. …

Feel the pain; find the joy.  Yes, it can be done.  The Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)  group that I periodically join in as facilitator poignantly teaches me this yin yang of life. 

A bicycle accident leaves a man bereft of his ‘old’ life.  He survives but he loses his life as he knew it.  His  dental practice, his marriage, his basic independence all gone with the shattered pieces of his bike.    

Everyone has lost their prior lives due to tragic accidents and strokes.

How does one adjust to such an extreme and vastly different reality?    How does one regain one’s heart and soul when the mind  has taken such huge hits? 

The loss is so profound.  The life has fallen so far; like that of the scarecrow in the wizard of oz, it has to be put back together. 

They are miraculously put back together.   But altered lives live there now.  The work is in helping them heal their hearts and souls so they can open up to adapting to and discovering a new quality of life. 

Their struggles are bravely expressed.  Their faith and gratitude are exquisitely articulated. Their support and sometimes slight impatience with one another are beautifully and amusingly spoken.

Memory is a ‘gonner’ for most.  They live in the here and now.  The inhibition filter is gone for some, which proves to be quite funny at times. 

What truly contributes to the uplifting experience of being in their presence is the ‘realness’, the authenticity and the outpouring of their deeply felt emotions.   They express the pain and yet they see the glory.      

I honor their spirit.      

I would like to mention here two amazing blogs that beautifully combine and weave together these seemingly opposites – pain and joy.  Herein lies the challenge – to bring joy into one’s life along with the pain and sadness.  Yes, they really can live together.

http://www.kellehampton.com/

http://awishcomeclear.com/blog/…

I was recently asked to facilitate a session for a Holocaust survivor support group.  The topic was resilience.   Now this is a subject that resonates strongly for me as I feel it’s the key to coping and handling life’s curvy and bumpy roads.   However, as I got to thinking about my actual presentation, I thought it ironic that anyone needed to talk to such a group on such a subject.  I mean, they can all teach us about resilience.  They’re the survivors of some of the worst horrific atrocities perpetrated upon mankind.  They lived it, witnessed it and have been victims of excruciating suffering and loss.

Yet they’ve rebuilt their lives beyond these experiences, carrying with them memories we can only shudder to think about. They’ve somehow been able to integrate the brutality and evilness into their lives and still be able to carve out new lives with meaning and purpose, and even joy.    

I decided to approach this by simply providing a framework to the concept of resilience and then honor them by having them share their ways of living on.  Each participant was a teacher telling us all the qualities, skills and values he/she used to cope and create a new life.

Sure many still wake up in cold sweats having relived a night of awful memories through dreams.  And anger lives on in some.  The image of a mother being forced to watch her baby be tortured to death still haunts the 93 year old cantor.

It’s not the idea of eradicating these things.  It’s about being able to live on, through them, despite them and find a place and ways of handling them so they don’t cripple and destroy one’s life.  The fact that their lives were spared was the impetus for many to forge ahead and live productive and worthwhile lives; it was the empowering factor towards living on in as good a way as possible.   …

This week I was a part of two groups where the topic of discussion was self-care.    In one group I was the facilitator for a group of moms whose children are in a rehabilitation hospital, critically ill due to accidents or illnesses. 

Ten years ago I was actually one of those moms whose daughter was miraculously climbing her way out of a life-threatening illness. 

In the other group, I was a participant along with other parents as part of a weekend retreat for families of special needs children.   

I can say now as this week comes to an end, I’ve had a very interesting and most meaningful week.  For  I was in the presence of parents who exude amazing grace and fortitude of character. 

This is a perfect time and place to share some ideas, tips and thoughts that came out of these powerful meetings. 

10 ways to give to yourself during the extraordinary stresses of daily life:  

1. Put your own oxygen mask on first.  We’re no good to our children if we can’t breathe. 
2. Set aside even a few minutes a day to calm yourself.  Go into another area away from your children and:   Listen to a song.  Meditate.  Do deep breathing.  Read a magazine article.  Sit quietly and do nothing.
3. Build in some ‘real’ time for yourself.  Get up a half-hour earlier, before the rest of the household.  The benefit of those 30 minutes for ‘your’ time far outweigh the extra half-hour of sleep.   Exercise, write, read, eat a slow, calm breakfast.  It’s your time.
4. Set up some boundaries for yourself.  Martyrs don’t win or get extra brownie points.  At some designated point, make yourself off limit.  Enlist others to take over.  Let unfinished tasks carry over to the next day.  
5. Connect with others.  Set aside time for you and your spouse, friend, supportive other.   Create a ‘date’ night, an hour coffee break out, or a talk time in your home with some ambiance. 

…

I recently saw the movie Being Flynn.   It’s based on the memoir, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, by Nick Flynn.   The basic premise is, while working in a homeless shelter, Nick meets up with his estranged, homeless father.  What follows is the poignant struggle of a son to reconnect that severed bond with a brilliant, grandiose and manic, father, who also happens to be a perpetually aspiring writer.

Transformational stories are uplifting and this certainly satisfied that criteria.

And so I came home and looked up the ‘real’ people.  As many of you know, I’m an asker.  I reached out and contacted Mr. Nick Flynn asking him if he’d be amenable for an interview.  To my most excited surprise, he said yes.

Nick is a writer and poet.  He clearly has the talent that never materialized from his father.  One more fact to know in terms of his overcoming and rebuilding his life – his mother committed suicide when he was in his early twenties.

1.    What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move in a positive direction?

It’s more of a support network that allows one to work through things.  Friends and family, community.  It’s a group effort.  It’s recognizing the need for support systems.  It’s something that’s actively done.   You choose your friends and work on your family relationships and seek out those support systems.

2.   Did you go through a period of self-pity; if so, what helped lift you out? 

Everything is on a continuum.  It’s not like you’re in it and then you’re out of it.  Some days you’re in it and some days you’re out of it.  When self-pity comes up you try not to water it and cultivate it.  I don’t think it’s an emotional state that one should try to eliminate.  It’s a continuum.  That’s the model that’s more useful to me.  It’s not good or bad. …