Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
Therapist . Speaker . Author
A life until the ripe old age of 98; a death, peacefully during his mid-day nap when G-d decided it was time to come for his soul.
My father died the best way possible. No pain, no suffering, and with his mind all there. The way we all would like to go when it’s our time. A gift and a blessing.
Bill Winkler, or Wink, as I discovered he was called by some, never thought of himself as old. “Are you old yet?” I asked at his more recent birthdays; “No, not yet.” “Maybe when you reach 100, hopefully?” to which he replied, “We’ll see then.”
Lessons of a “young” 98 year old:
1. Learning and doing. My dad took classes at the local college until he was 90. And when I argued with him to give up his car at 88, he took buses to college. He was truly a life-long learner.
When he took me out for my childhood Sunday visitations (my parents were divorced), we did fun activities. From bike-riding in Central Park to row-boating to ice skating all over the city; inclement weather found us in museums and the car and boat shows at the Coliseum. Rarely did we sit in front of a movie screen.
I carried this into my parenting days with my children where Sundays were always a fun day. Laundry, errands, and shopping were fit into the cracks of the week, as opposed to making them a day.
2. Walking. My dad walked his whole life. As a little girl, I could never keep up with him and I remember my side hurting from trying. Even after getting his first and only car when he was 65 – a blue Chevy Nova- he still walked a lot. At 91 he was taking the subway to the railroad out to Long Beach to walk the 4 1/2 mile round-trip boardwalk, until a mild stroke at 92 curtailed this activity.
His walking continued with the aid of a walker all over the neighborhood to the local stores, falling fairly often but continuing on after the bruises healed. Feisty and independent, he refused help.
I’ve been endowed with the walking gene. It is a part of my daily life as well as a coping tool used to get through many a hard time. And I can actually say it is hard to walk slow for an inherently fast walker.
3. Healthy eating. My dad ate healthy long before it became in vogue. As a little girl, I didn’t like to go out to eat with him because I was embarrassed by all the instructions to the waiter –“hold the margarine, the syrup, grill it, bake it.”
Lo and behold, I now eat his way. My original impetus in converting a few years ago was digestive issues. It is now my way of life.
4. No big deal. My dad was the antithesis of a complainer. He didn’t have a “kvetch” bone in his body. Go for a 12 hour plane ride at age 90 and 92 to meet his 2 great-grandsons at their birth – no big deal, “I’ll walk around the plane so my legs don’t get stiff.” He had basil cells removed, sometimes a 6 hour ordeal at the doctor’s office scraping until they came out clean; he’d come back saying, “I’m fine, a little discomfort but no big deal.”
Perhaps that is why I don’t have much tolerance for “kvetches”.
Let’s celebrate and take in the Good.
What lessons have you incorporated from a significant person in your life?
Your father’s life history has really inspired me to make a resolution to begin to leave a better lifestyle
Go for it by taking small steps, being successful and then continuing on. Baby steps….one thing at a time.
Thank you for having patience for my “kvetching”. I am inspired to try to be more positive. Your dad made it seem so easy.
You are The Most positive, emotionally responsive teacher I know.
One day in 2nd grade I feigned being sick, went to the nurse’s office and was sent home. All I knew at the time was that my Aunt and 3 cousins, who had lived in my house for the past few months were leaving to start a life in a new apartment in Brooklyn. I didn’t want to let go and pretended to be sick so I could be with them just a little bit longer.
As a grown up, I now know that my Aunt and her children were with us because her husband was abusive to her and she was in the mist of divorcing him. Yet to a 7 year old child, all I knew was that I had my cousins living with me, my beloved Aunt and Nana were around a lot and we had so much fun.
The next 20 years were a hardship for my cousins, my aunt and my nana and poppy. Raising 3 children while pursuing a college degree was no small task for a grown woman. Yet, my Aunt persevered. She graduated from college and went on to pursue a masters degree in Social Work from an Ivy League school.
In addition, 2 of my cousins became successful Doctors with no monetary support from their parents. My youngest cousin pursued a profession in the arts.
When my Aunt died of cancer, I reflected on what the lessons were that I learned from her. Your notion of baby steps resonated with me. It took 10 years for Aunt Phyllis to finish her undergraduate degree. Five more to get her MSW degree. Times were hard. Yet she persevered and did it!
The life lesson I have learned is that no matter how long it takes whatever you want, can be accomplished. No matter the time; no matter the age.
I have followed in my Aunt’s footsteps and completed a master’s of social work, while having 2 babies. In addition, I have completed a supervisor/administration license while dealing with life’s difficulties.
I know I can accomplish anything I want to. All I need is the vision, good health and the small baby steps to make it happen and eventually I will get there.
Thank you Aunt Phyllis for the life lessons of which I am grateful for.
Beth – Wow!! What a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing. Yep, perseverance is certainly one of the biggies. I’m sure your aunt would be proud of you too. What a great legacy.
Beth, thank you for explaining how your Aunt managed to escape with her children, and continue to grow & raise them. Very timely & inspirational for me – your family in the US and mine here in Australia – how amazing that a “blog” can bring people together to share.
It is amazing how a blog can bring people together to share and inspire. And from across the globe no less 🙂
Good Luck to you Kathy.