Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
Therapist . Speaker . Author
In my interview with Temple Grandin, she brought up a few key points that really seemed to resonate with people. ‘Building strengths’ was a biggie.
I worked in the school system for years. I won’t go into a tirade of how this concept of building upon the student’s strengths is not done; rather quite the opposite – everyone is made to fit into the box of test score production, or else…. failure, misfit, special ed labels set in. So I will leave it at this.
And yes, in all fairness there are individual teachers who most definitely do hone in on a child’s area of strength and look to build on it. They bring in books on the specific area of interest, create projects around it and try to teach skills by utilizing their strength as a springboard.
In my workshops with parents (parents classes) I stress that not every child is good at everything, just like we’re not ‘abled’ in every area. We need to see what each child is good at, what his/her interests are and hone in on that, bring that out, help each bud sprout in his/her unique way. Not everyone is academically oriented and that needs to be O.K. (I know this is a tough one since our world is so academically pressured and competition in this area is ridiculously and dangerously high.) We have to value strength in whatever area it manifests and then build around that.
I once had a parent talk about her child’s interest in snakes. Although she was disgusted by them, she went out and bought her 10 year old son a pet snake. The other parents jumped in with, ‘oh, how could you, I can’t even look at them.’ Her wonderful response was, ‘I want to encourage his interest. It doesn’t have to be mine; maybe he’ll grow up and be a scientist or zoologist.’ Now that’s an enlightened parent. It’s about her recognizing and encouraging his interests, separate (and different) from hers, not her agenda for him. Bravo to her. The last I heard, he was in high school doing great in science.
I was not good at computers. As an adult I took computer classes and hated them. I was bored and felt I could not grasp a lot of the techy stuff. It took me longer than others. But now that I have a specific interest – blogging and building my site through social media means- I am forging ahead in my computer skills. Well maybe not forging, but certainly progressing, slow and steady. So learning computer for computer sake didn’t cut it for me; but learning it for another purpose that was important to my interest, is what has done it for me. My area of strength doesn’t lie in technology but I learn it as a means to my endeavors.
I worked with an assistant teacher who has tremendous artistic ability. I felt she could really spread her art beyond the school auditorium plays and classroom decorations and projects. Here was a woman in her 60’s who used and sincerely felt every excuse in the book as to why she couldn’t do more with her talent – ‘I’m too old, who would want my work now, there’s so much better talent out there than me.’ She told me nobody ever encouraged her when she was young to pursue art. So she just did her paintings and pastel work for herself and friends.
The PS to this story is that she has written and illustrated a children’s book and had it self-published. Hopefully she will be taking a course at FIT in New York. And who knows from there. She has to push beyond those internal negatives and fight against all those excuses. Not an easy task but certainly doable.
The most important thing is to build good and positive feelings around what someone Can do rather than what they can’t do. Is it that they’re always spilling the milk because they’re clumsy and unfocused or that when it spills, they’ve learned and been allowed (where we parents are Not running behind them cleaning it up for them because we do a better job) to clean it up after themselves? And for that demonstration of responsibility they get an A. It’s those positive feelings that are crucial to carrying us into success.
When we do what we feel good at, we succeed. It’s up to us all to shine the light on one another’s strengths. We will then magnify and grow brighter.
How do we build on strengths? How do we help each other blossom?
First and foremost, EVERY single person has strengths.
There is so much potential out there waiting to be tapped into. There would be so much more satisfaction amongst us all if we felt good within ourselves and felt our most authentic self was being realized and actualized.
We can all be a coach to one another helping to bring out and maximize our strengths and talents.
Care to share some of your areas of strengths? Who has helped support you in those areas?
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy and take away something positive from some of these posts. Please share in the Comment section; it’s easy.
3 pastel art giraffes made by Sheila, assistant teacher, given to me for my retirement/birthday. (A most meaningful gift, being a lover of giraffees.)
Recommended reading on connecting our strengths with meaningful work.
Hi Harriet,
Thank you for sharing this important piece. We all have our strengths however these may reamain hidden from view. I think seeing strengths in others is easier than defining your own……and then give the appropriate support to allow them to grow. I have a few strengths that have recently been ‘diagnosed’ (by me), hopefully others will share the same view.
be good to yourself
David
P.S I may have some more hidden away waiting for the right time to show, will have to nurture them.
Hi David,
Interesting take on this idea – that’s it’s easier to see others than our own strengths.
What grows is what we give our attention to. So if we give attention to our strengths (what we believe are our strengths) then those will grow and prosper. So whatever you feel are your strengths, cultivate them well so they will blossom.
Thanks for stopping by and for your interesting comment.
Hi Harriet:
You are right on. We have seven kids (one in heaven) and seven grandkids and each have a learning disability/difference. While we cannot totally back off of doing well in school (it teaches GRIT(grin and bear it) if nothing else,) we love how their faces glow when they are in their zone.
One child is in sales, the other a nurse, our recent college graduate an actor, the other graduate is in customer service, newest HS grad is a Track Star and aspiring educator/therapist, and our youngest is a performer and animal lover.
Thanks for the reminder to ‘stretch them.’ I admire Temple Gradin and respect her contributions. I will keep asking them what else they could do.
Best wishes, Auntie Lynn
Hi (Auntie) Lynn,
Nice to meet you. Wow, 7 kids. So sorry about your loss.
I love how you say ‘their faces glow when they’re in their zone.’ We are all at our best when we’re engaged in what we love and feel good about.
And you’re right, we can’t totally back off of them doing well in school; we just have to make sure we’re focusing and teaching towards their strengths. Sounds like your kids/grandkids are doing great for themselves, pursuing their interests.
Hope to ‘see’ you again. I will be checking out your site.
I think God never intended to make any life form similiar in nature. Each and everyone one of us is made to fulfill something that only we can bring to this world. To not do this will be the failure of our mission in life.
Yet, our society is so eager to box our naturally individualistic selves up. You need maths, you need science, you need to become a teacher, lawyer, doctor. Of all the educated people in this world, sometimes, I feel that we teachers have the narrowest of scope and the least of faith in the human spirit and potential for greatest.
Maybe in their quest for completing the syllabus we start to cram everything into a short time frame and to stifle the individuals. The great teachers that I have met somehow finds the best balance in completing the teaching and giving rein for individuals to flow.
I firmly believe that if we give people the chance to run with their strengths, more doors will be open to them in the end. A students might hate languages at first, but once you allow him to train for his interest in sports, he will eventually be given the opportunity to improve his languages. Perhaps it is the sports book he will write some day that will spurt him on to master his language. Just like you. Blogging has open up technological doors for you.
What a coincident that you are talking about strengths now. I just started a series on finding our purpose, meaning and strengths in life.
Hi Jimmy,
Thanks for your wonderful comment. Your comment is a great addition to the post.
Yes, we must recognize and bring forth the differences that each one of us brings to the table. And yes, we must encourage people to ‘run with their strengths’. I love your expression of this.
Sometimes we have to get to things through the back door like Temple says, physics and math through a TV show. When we are interested in something specific, we are more likely to want to learn the difficult thing as we see that it will benefit us. Like you said, I must learn some technology if I want to blog. It’s all about purpose. If something serves a purpose, we’ll be more amenable to learning and comprehending it. But learning something that is difficult to grasp in a vacuum can yield to failure and defeat. So we must look to people’s interests and passions and teach to that; and encourage them in those areas.
Harriet – LOVE this: “The most important thing is to build good and positive feelings around what someone Can do rather than what they can’t do.” It’s the key to working with others in any capacity. I just spoke on this at the San Diego Business Summit on Friday and I love that you so beautifully apply it here to families. Just another reason I love what you’re about!!
Hi Laurie,
Thanks for your great comment. I’m so glad this resonated for you. Interesting that you just spoke on this. Great minds think alike! Ha, ha!
And yes, like you said, ‘it is the key to working with others in any capacity.’ This is simply overall good and positive humanistic skills- helps people be the best they can be in any and every area of life. It’s about feeling good about yourself.
Thanks for coming by.