Photo by Mike Lovett
I am pleased to introduce you to Letty Cottin Pogrebin, writer, lecturer and activist. She has written a new book , How To Be A Friend To A Friend Who’s Sick. The subject of friendship and illness came to the forefront for her as she went through her own battle with breast cancer.
How we support one another through crisis and difficulties – what we say, how we listen, how we can be there for each other – is a topic I’ve written about here too. And so when I saw that this book had just come out, I thought it was a perfect fit for my theme.
“Empathy translated into action equals kindness.” Letty Cottin Pogrebin
- What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move forward?
I suppose my general optimism helped me move forward after my cancer diagnosis. My habit of denial also helped. I’m very good at repressing the negatives and concentrating on the positive elements of my life.
- Did you go through a period of self-pity? If so, what helped lift you out?
I think everyone who gets a serious illness goes through some depression or self-pity; it’s only natural. What helped me was to refocus on everything I have to be grateful for – my wonderful family, work that I love, a basically okay prognosis for recovery, and the beauty of the world around me. It may sound corny but that’s what lifted me out of the doldrums.
- Was there a specific moment, thought or epiphany that helped guide you to a better place mentally and psychologically, or did it evolve?
Shortly after I received my diagnosis I thought about all the women I know who have had breast cancer and who now lead healthy, vigorous and fully-functioning lives. That realization allowed me to reframe my situation as something I would eventually get through and put behind me as these other friends had. …
I am pleased to present Glenda Watson Hyatt, my April interviewee. She has taken the “least obvious path” and become a motivational speaker. Why is this something special and unique? Because Ms. Hyatt has cerebral palsy which has affected her speech to a significant degree. “Can’t” was not a word used in her household growing up. She clearly took this lesson to heart and is therefore a most inspiring teacher in modeling an ” I can do” way of life.
1. What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move forward in a positive direction?
My determination and perseverance help to keep me moving forward. I do what it takes to get the job done – whether it’s spending seven years to complete my Bachelor of Arts, taking four years to write my autobiography, I’ll Do It Myself, or creating a technology mashup to speak publicly even with a speech impairment. And, when someone says I can’t do something, it adds fuel to my fire and makes me more determined to get the job done and to prove them wrong.
My optimism keeps me focused on what I can do and what I do have rather than on what I am lacking. I might have a significant speech impairment, but that isn’t stopping me from becoming a motivational speaker.
My creativity allows me to come up with solutions that enable me to circumvent an obstacle; for example, by using a Gorilla tripod to mount my camera to my scooter, I can now enjoy photography as a hobby.
- Did you go through a period of self-pity? If so, what helped lift you out?
Generally I am a happy, cheerful person. But to be honest, I do have a momentary pity party for one on the rare occasion. In the really tough moments, I think about my Nanna (my Mom’s mom) who had bone cancer. …
“When we lose anything we cherish — a way of life, a loved one, a dream, a belief, even the day-in-day-out presence of a child at home–a space that was filled in our lives, and in our hearts, is suddenly empty. Sorrow, then, is surely a human, natural response. And yet how reluctant we are in this noisy, busy, get-over-it-and-move-on culture to give grief its due.”
I am so excited to share this interview with Katrina Kenison, author of the new memoir, Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment. Whereas my other interviews deal with specific challenges or adversity, this one speaks to adjusting and re-adjusting ourselves to the natural transitions of life, to those unavoidable parts of life known as change and loss. There are feelings of loss simply by virtue of having our precious moments fade away into memories, by not being able to hold onto those cherished times in our lives. The old saying, ‘life goes on’ is much more than a flippant concept to which we must acclimate ourselves. We yearn for what used to be. We mourn the passing of time. And we must be constantly re-calibrating ourselves to what is, dropping off what used to be into our bin of stored treasures, and moving into new phases of unknown and unsettled terrain.
How do we reconcile and integrate life’s natural ups and downs so that we can continue living in an engaged, meaningful and positive way?
- What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move forward?
Perhaps the personal quality that I’m most grateful for is curiosity. Curiosity moves me forward, as there is always something new to notice and wonder about—whether I’m taking a walk in the woods or browsing in a book store or having a conversation with a family member or someone I’ve just met. And perhaps the quality that goes hand-in-hand with curiosity is openness. If we are open to what life has to offer us, we tend to notice opportunities, small blessings, beauty and the simple pleasures of ordinary life. …
While vacationing in Florida six weeks before college graduation, a repeat drunk driver lost control of his 
car and crashed into Steven Benvenisti while he was walking with his friends. His legs were crushed, his face smashed through the windshield and his body was thrown 70 feet. His prognosis was poor as he lay in a coma.
Upon a miraculous survival and complete recovery, he is fulfilling his promise that he would devote his life towards ending drunk driving and help those dealing with brain injury.
He is most successfully carrying out his life’s work and purpose. As an attorney, he represents DWI, brain and personal injury victims. He’s a motivational speaker and author of the book, Spring Break: A True Story of Hope and Determination. His Contract for Life between students and parents has effected positive change in the drinking and driving behaviors of teens.
- What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move in a positive direction?
I would have to say my self-determination.
Upon awakening from my coma (after my accident) and realizing everything that had been taken away from me because of a drunk driver, all I could think about was how great my life had previously been and how sad it was that my life would never be the same again. I was living with horrendous pain, my memory and cognitive abilities were significantly compromised and it was unknown if I would ever walk again. During those times I reflected on my past.
I remembered my high school football coach who tried to instill in us players the idea that if we wanted to improve any skill on the field, especially when we felt the urge to slow down and give up, we needed to use that as a catalyst to push ourselves twice as hard for as long as possible. And so every day when I ran and started to get tired and slow down, I used that feeling as a reason to push myself (twice as hard for as long as possible). …
Mark O’Brien and his girlfriend Susan Fernbach cuddle outside his iron lung at his apartment in Berkeley in 1997. (Mary F. Calvert/Staff Archives) Photo: Mercurynews.com
Wow, this is my second anniversary of interviews- 24 really inspirational and enlightening people. There were {those infrequent} times when the end of the month was near with no takers and I’d be thinking, “I can’t lose out on this month.” And then one of my numerous requests would come through with a YES to being an interviewee. And so the inspiration continues; the lessons gleaned from people who don’t cave in to misfortune but rather branch out, grow and persevere, and even create new lives filled with meaning, purpose and joy. There’s richness to all. Sometimes we have to dig deeper; sometimes we have to push through harder; and sometimes we waver and sway but as long as we’re standing (sometimes in mind only) we can take that step forward and plow ahead using whatever we have.
And so it is with this month’s interviewee – plowing forward and using that which he had: a wonderful mind filled with beautiful prose and an attitude that pushed him to surpass all odds.
This interview is a bit unique in that the person of interest passed away. Mark O’Brien, a writer and poet, is the subject of the current highly acclaimed movie, The Sessions. He lived in an iron lung (due to polio at an early age) and was determined to have sex be a part of his life. I’ll leave the rest in the hopes that you’ll see this film as it is an amazing tribute to the will and spirit of a person. Humankind first, disability second.
This interview is being conducted with Susan Fernbach, Mr. O’Brien’s partner.
- What personal qualities helped him carry on and move in a positive direction?
His sense of humor, his intelligence (I used to say he had a mind like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body), a kind of patient tenacity. …
I am so pleased to introduce you to Priscilla Gilman, writer and English professor. In her memoir, The Anti-Romantic Child: A Memoir of Unexpected Joy, she uniquely and beautifully weaves her love of poetry, most specifically Wordsworth, into her story of parenting a special-needs child.
This certainly spoke to me in a very personal way as I too am a parent of a special needs young adult.
“This is not about a label or a diagnosis. It’s about both unfolding and preserving the mystery of his self.”
This is the story of a mommy who selflessly and poignantly unfolds and completely tunes in to the mystery of Benjamin.
1. What personal qualities have helped you carry on and move in a positive direction?
The most important quality is that I am a genuinely very positive person. I have an outlook of optimism and hope with Benj, not meaning I want him to be cured or fixed because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him. But from the start, it was ‘what can I do to help his life be more fulfilling and to help him become more fully himself’. I always saw all the therapies and special support not as a race to fix or cure him, not as tools in an arsenal as if I was fighting a battle against autism, but rather I saw it as ‘I want to get to know my son better, I want to understand him so I can love him better and be a better mother to him.’ And so when we would do the therapy sessions, I would try to look at them as opportunities to learn more about him and to help him. Not to help him change but to help him become more comfortable with things he loved to do. For instance sound sensitivity – helping him overcome those things so he could enjoy music and go to concerts because he loves music.…