How We Cope – It’s All About Mind-Set

Writing up my recent interview with Steven Benvenisti brought me back to my daughter, Nava’s,  medical crisis.  Visuals which had made their way to the background of my mind due to the passing of time (10 years now), suddenly were right back in front of my eyes.   Like Mr. Benvenisti, Nava miraculously has her life back as Before. Once she was out of the woods and in rehab, her fight and determination to reclaim a functioning life was nothing short of extraordinary.  Never did I hear a word of, ‘I can’t do it; it’s too hard; I’m too tired; not today.”  She vomited her way to an upright position starting at a minute at a time and gradually increasing the time increments via a standing machine to regain her balance, equilibrium and muscular strength. Each and every day of her nine month rehab stay,  I watched with sheer awe and incredulity and was gifted to witness a strength of spirit, mind and therefore body that exceeded my previous {limited} knowledge  of human possibility. Nava didn’t seem to have to go too deep to figure out ways to rise above, to push beyond; it seemed to come naturally.  This was {and is} her most fortunate make-up. I, her mother, had to dig deep to keep my head up and be her positive coach.  But watching her made my job much easier.  I had the best role model for positivity and strength of mind over body.  How could I be anything less? As Mr. Benvenisti shows us, we can think and talk ourselves into a better state of mind in order to do our life-building work.   It’s mind-set.  And we know there is so much we can do to train and work on our mind in terms of our beliefs, what we focus on, how we respond. As we feel and deal, at least initially, with a loss or extremely challenging situation, here are a few abstract ways to cope and think about things:

• Loosen the chains that loss brings which can keep us bound up in lifelong sadness, grief and negativity; and begin to look for the good, the joy, the small steps of success and improvement.  It’s there.   (Love this Billy Joel song, “All About Soul” and this line, “It’s all about joy that comes out of sorrow.”)
• There’s richness in clouds.  Go into them and you will extract some light.  It may not be the ‘normal’ everyday finds but there are many different beautifuls.  And there are silver linings.
• Go slow and easy.  It’s hard work to adjust our lens to a ‘different’.  It’s not what we bargained for.   But not all of life is and for some, much of life isn’t.
• The key is taking what may uncontrollably come our way and weaving it into its own beautiful tapestry.   And sadness and all its cousins of feelings can be a part of it.  That’s what makes it colorful –  with its blacks and oranges, grays and yellows, browns and pinks.
• We can’t go back; we can’t replace or correct but we can add new layers, new dimensions, different joys and meaning.

When hardships strike, how do you get yourself into a more positive mind-set?   What do you pull out of yourself ?  Down the road, how do you find some joy again within the difficulty?