Relationships – Real or Virtual

Relationships are a key element in life and are therefore a crucial aspect for coping and managing when things get tough.   Are we truly connected in an authentic way with those one or two close people to whom we can turn to for support?    Are we fostering those relationships during the ‘good’ times?  Are we taking the time to invest and cultivate them?

Nowadays online ‘friends’ seem to be replacing the real deal.  We spend more time connecting online than in person.  Social media is substituting for face-to-face.  We’ve all been to a restaurant where we see the people at the next table with their heads down and their thumbs quickly moving, completely engaged in their online connections.   Online interaction is addictive; something is always happening there and we want to know and be a part of it.

But we’re losing ground here.  The real and the virtual friends are in competition and guess who’s winning!  Loneliness is increasing because face-to-face interactions are occurring less often, and when they are happening we’re more preoccupied with our in-hand screens than with the real people right in front of us.  With such neglect, our social skills are falling by the wayside as well.

“We must disconnect in order to connect.”  Tal Ben-Shahar

Relationships are needed for our well-being and our longevity.  Dan Buettner points to social relationships as one of the key factors in his well-researched Blue Zones –  those areas in the world where people are living the longest in the healthiest manner.

And Sonja Lyubomirsky, social psychologist studying the science of happiness, states that social support is a fundamental human need.

Screen time is no substitute for human contact.  We cannot allow our human skills to go by the wayside.  We cannot spend our time behind screens and think that we’re developing real connectedness.  The necessary qualities and  social skills of trust, compassion, empathy, compromise, getting along, problem-solving, listening, to name but a few, can only be developed and fostered by looking into each other’s eyes, seeing  body language, reading  facial expressions; by spending time together.

When I look back on my most difficult periods in my life, I think of those couple of friends who were there for me-  to talk to, to lean on, to cry to, to vent to- and I feel fortunate to have had and continue to have a few very close friends who know me well, where I could feel comfortable enough to let it all hang out; in other words to have that authentic, intimate and real relationship; safe, trusting and loyal.

These relationships don’t simply come to be.  We must nurture them and make time for them.

Are you prepared to disconnect more so that you can connect more?   

It’s well worth the investment both for ourselves and for humanity as a whole.  Sure we can connect on social media but let’s not forget that our ‘real’ friends are those {few} who we know and who know us in the deepest, most intimate and real way; the way that feels so good, where we feel understood,  known and  visible.  We then have a wonderful safety net for those rough times when we’re called upon to step up to the plate of disappointment and discouragement, and we know that we have our supportive friends by our side to make our rocky path a wee bit easier.

 

Thanks for stopping by here.  All is appreciated – sharing, subscribing, commenting.   How do you connect with your friends?  Where do spend more time –  with your ‘real’ friends or your virtual friends?