With all the bad stuff going on that even our youngest children are privy to, we as parents must be able to speak to them about it. Because the alternative of not talking to them can only foster fantasies in their minds that may be incorrect or worse than the reality. Sometimes we think, “better not to bring it up if they don’t.” But we know that kids have the tallest antennae and quickly know and sense everything, certainly the emotionally laden events.
First and foremost we must be aware of our own upset and sadness. And we must be aware of any discomfort we might have in discussing negative issues with our kids. We naturally don’t like to see our kids upset and want to protect them from those icky negative feelings. But not talking about the uncomfortable can only further squelch it and push it down where in turn it can ooze out in other unacceptable ways.
Our kids take their emotional cues from us. How do we cope and handle our difficult feelings? What do we do? “Live like your kids are watching… because they are.” (Susan Stiffelman)
5 ways to talk about the uncomfortable:
As we know, when we are able to express our feelings we feel lighter. It naturally doesn’t solve the problems but it’s a huge start in being able to move on and begin to look at ways of improving things or at the action steps we can then take. Otherwise we get weighted down and stuck in the heaviness of our unexpressed emotions.
This is just a beginning, but a crucial one. When people can talk and feel understood, their sense of connection is enhanced.
The opposite, isolation, can cause those scariest of feelings to grow like a time bomb until they explode. And we’ve certainly all seen the explosion of those sometimes quiet and all-times suffering individuals who eventually express their rage in the most unacceptable way humanly possible.
To empower kids and to redirect them towards the greater good, which we know is still the predominant theme to humankind (although it often doesn’t seem like that), let’s heed what the mother of Mr. Rogers told him: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” Mister Rogers
Thank you for stopping by. I’d love to hear from you – what are your suggestions for talking to our kids about those difficult times in our lives?