Blackness, despair, sickening hole, hopelessness, shock, disbelief – these are some words that are used to describe the depths of grief.
Grievers must sit with these feelings; feel the pain; be allowed their own timetable of despair; be permitted to feel hopeless and death-like without trying to be talked out of it.
Loss is forever. It takes time, and lots of it, patience and an ability to tolerate extreme sadness until the loss is integrated into one’s being. It is only then that one can begin to see the cracks of light peeping through, start to experience a newly formed reality, begin to feel renewed hope and start to re-create new purpose and meaning.
Making sense of the senseless, answering the unanswerables comes down the road. Rebuilding new dreams can only come after current shattered ones are toiled, plowed and turned over and over endlessly towards a new layer of renewal.
Hurts and pain do not get buried. They get flushed through, filtered through and eventually new growth starts to spring forth. Old and new get mixed together and a richness is created. The yin yang of life can be deeply felt. New perspective is gained.
Patience, honor, respect, tolerate, compassion, support, empathy, listening, silence, an inability to ‘fix’ it – these are some words used to describe the qualities needed to be present alongside the sufferers.
Let’s all be there for one another. Isn’t that what this trip of life is all about.
