Sitting here with this letter in my hand seems to bring forth all the pain and loss of the past few weeks. Global pain from the horrific and primitive evil of a beheading; shocking pain over the grave depth of psychic pain leading to the suicide of one of our most beloved and gifted entertainers; personal sorrow for a woman who was a pillar of goodness in my community whose time had obviously come to take her from a second stroke. A woman who took in 14 foster children, who with quiet grace and humbleness performed continuous good deeds (mitzvahs) and opened up her home to all in need.
And now this letter from one of my and my kids’ doctors. He had put ear tubes in my daughter’s ears many moons ago, one who I just called last month to set up a second opinion surgical appointment to which I was told, “he’s out for a couple of months with back problems.”
As I opened the envelope last night my eye honed in on the second paragraph: “I am writing because I have been diagnosed with terminal cancer.” I began reading from the top and re-read it over and over. A most poignant and ‘real’ letter from someone who is closing down his life, not simply a practice. “As my own time comes to an end, I want to thank you…. I am all too painfully aware now that in a time of illness, there is no substitute for a compassionate physician with the skills to cure but, more importantly, to care…”
“This will be my last communication to you….. I hope that when you too reach the end of your lives you will look back with as much fondness and pride as I do.”
Breathe.
I wake up this morning and hurriedly go outside for my morning brisk walk. Getting outside is always soothing for me. I feel connected and apart of the natural order – the slight breeze, the light blue cloudless sky, the smell of the freshly mowed grass. This is what we’ve got- this moment. Nothing else is a given, ever.
And so we proceed feeling sad, very sad, knowing there’s nothing to make sense of. This is our world – incomprehensible. Beautiful, awesome, mysterious and awful, all wrapped into one.
And when the s___ hits the fan, we must struggle and keep treading in the water until we regain our footing or can integrate the loss into our life.
These end-of-life sorrows are reminders to live well while we can. To appreciate, savor, give, feel, engage, care, helps us stay connected to our humanness- to ourselves and to each other – and creates that vibrant tapestry of a rich life, good and bad woven together.
Thank you for stopping by. Always love to connect with you.
