What’s going well? What’s working for you? This is the key focus of positive psychology. We start here and work from this perspective into the areas that are problematic.
When I take students out of class for their 30 minutes of counseling, I start with WWW – what went well so far today. (Credit goes to Dr. Martin Seligman for this WWW idea.) This helps them begin to see that no matter what their issues are, there are things that are going well.
This holds true for everybody. And when I see clients for coaching/counseling I always start by asking, what’s working for you?
People are often surprised by this. After all, if they’re coming for this kind of help, there are naturally problems. But this does not preclude the issues that bring people to a therapist/coach’s office. It simply means that it’s important to get people to realize and focus on the strengths that are at play.
So often we get submerged by our problems and don’t or can’t see that are actually things that are going well. When we forget to take notice of them, they fall into the recesses of our being and more and more negativity surfaces.
But, “When we can appreciate the good, the good appreciates.” (Tal Ben-Shahar)
We’re able to start to see more of the goodness that’s around us. And we can begin to spiral upward.
This is a coping strategy as well as a way of living well.
When my daughter went through a near-fatal medical crisis, without having the formal knowledge of positive psychology, I was using the idea of gratitude. I would take my daily walks around my local high school track (before going to my 15 hour hospital vigil) and bring up thoughts of gratitude in the midst of my horror. I thought: If she had to be in an intensive care unit, there was no better place I could’ve chosen. (She went in as an emergency so there was no chance to choose.) The doctors and nurses were exceptional. The Ronald McDonald House right next door was wonderful. I had a wonderfully supportive husband (step-father to my daughters).
This definitely gave me some strength to step into her world of tubes, breathing machines and the thread of life hanging so precariously from one minute to the next.
Practical application: Write down at least 3 things that went well today and each day this week. This can be done at night right before bed; or in the morning before starting out on your day you can be guided by the question, what’s working well.
Glad you stopped by. Please consider trying some of these exercises. You may be pleasantly surprised. Make common sense common.
