We know that our emotions flow through us. If we restrict the flow of painful feelings we also impede the flow of pleasurable ones.
Living a good and rich life is not about being happy all the time. It’s about leading a full, fulfilling, purposeful and real life. Dealing with the good and the bad, giving ourselves the permission to be human and feeling the gamut of emotions helps create that richness. Nobody goes through life without the negative feelings so we might as well embrace them. When we can go easy on ourselves through our own ‘icky’ feelings, know that it’s O.K. , know that our choice is in how we behave through it, we will go through it and come out fine, maybe even better.
We can feel jealous of a friend at times and berate ourselves terribly for it. But what if we simply acknowledge the jealousy, dance with it a bit, think about the good we get from the friend and put it in our pocket knowing it may rear it’s head again at some point. Then we might be able to say to ourselves, “I’m jealous of that part of him/her And I also adore this and this.” But if we diss it, or pretend it’s not there thinking it will just go away, our actions will show up otherwise. And then the friendship could end up in danger.
We also know that when we try to repress those uncomfortable feelings, they end up intensifying and showing up sometimes in left field. They’ll cause physiological symptoms, which are real, but whose source are our own minefields of rage and {emotional} pain. (Dr. John Sarno is a great resource on this.)
“Painful emotions are part of human nature just as the law of gravity is part of physical nature.” (Tal Ben-Shahar)
When dealing with children we separate out feelings from behaviors. We say all emotions are acceptable but not all behaviors are. There are limits and clear boundaries put on actions.
There is nothing immoral or wrong with negative feelings. Emotions are amoral. It’s the actions we may choose to express to those emotions that may be immoral and wrong. Behavior is within a moral domain.
So for a child to feel jealous of a new baby is normal and fine. It may make us uncomfortable but that’s our issue. Welcome to reality. We must work it through with them via books, play, puppets, extra time, talking in an accepting and acknowledging way of those jealous feelings; and of course disallow and set limits on hitting, pillow suffocation, or any hurtful display.
When we can accept and express all of our emotions, we allow for the natural healing process to do its thing. Let’s trust in our own processes more. We will feel more true to ourselves, with ourselves. We will then be in a better place to give of ourselves to others, authentically and fully. Our lives will be richer for it.
Your turn now: are you able to accept your negative feelings? What do you do?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of this.
