There’s a lot of attention given to being there for someone during a difficult time or circumstance in life; how we need to be supportive and empathic for our friend or family member in need.
But have we thought about how we respond to each other when something positive happens? Your partner gets a great evaluation at work; your child makes the soccer team; your friend gets a part in a play. Do we become excited along with the person? Do we actively display interest by asking further questions, conversing further about it? Do we show genuine enthusiasm?
Or do we passively show a slight smile and a flippant, “that’s nice”.
Or worse, do we deflect away from their success and bring it back to ourselves by telling our own story?
Or even worse, do we find the negative aspects to bring up about the person’s ‘win’ such as “watch out, your boss may be on top of you even more” or you’re going to have even more pressure put on you.”
By being actively constructive in our response (researched by social psychologist Shelly Gable) and capitalizing on their good news, we strengthen the relationship. Genuinely engaging with someone’s ‘good’ is a real boost and benefit for both parties involved – the giver and receiver. It generates positive energy and feelings which then carries forward. (This, as opposed to telling somebody something great and receiving a bland response which can bring them down a notch.) Positive creates more positive which creates that upward spiral of good feelings all around.
How do you fare in sharing in your partner/friend/child’s good news?
