Lately I’ve been thinking how it seems to take a lot of work to live well. But what’s the alternative – cruise along life on auto-pilot and not really be too aware and conscious of what and how we’re doing. But this working to improve ourselves, to grow, keep up the positive attitude, strive, push through, overcome, work on our relationships, can sometimes feel exhausting. It can feel like so much work to keep ourselves in check with trying to live optimally.
My prior neighbors (they moved away a few years ago) – a couple who to me seemed to really live well – just died. The wife passed a month ago and now the husband just died this weekend. He was sick but I believe once his wife of over 60 years passed on, he was ready to join her. Similar to my favorite aunt and uncle who died 15 months apart from one another. There is such a thing as dying of a broken heart, when the mind decides not to push the body towards healing and health but rather to let go and join the departed. The will to live fades and the body succumbs.
Both of these couples lived well, in my book. They pursued their interests with vim and vigor, be it traveling, tennis, gardening, home decorating, cruises, volunteer work; all after raising families and having long-time satisfying careers. I didn’t know the inner dynamics of their lives, their personal struggles, angst, soulful quests but I did see the external manifestations of lives well lived. I saw qualities of humor, integrity, acceptance, loyalty and love.
I have chairs from my neighbors which I love; I have a beautiful richly colored area rug from my aunt and uncle. My den walls are covered with enlarged photos of our travels, a design I copied from my uncle’s love of photography. So many of my travel tips have been taken from my neighbors’ exotic destinations.
We take facets of people, concrete and abstract, and incorporate them into our lives. That is how they live on, their life lessons live on and their memory lives on.
But these things make me extremely pensive and reflective and even sad; and sometimes makes me go to where I don’t like – the futility of it all – {all this work at living well} when we’re all going to die.
In general I live my life in an active and passionate way, with excitement and high interest. Things matter greatly. I feel sometimes I need to adapt more of an attitude of, let it be.
For me the real theme here is that I want to know I make a difference. This is a universal theme, this quest to matter. And not just to close family and close friends. To know that others are positively affected by our well-lived lives. Obviously we can’t all be Steve Jobs who had such an impact upon the world by changing its technology. (There’s even a statue of him being built in Budapest.) But we can be and do in ways that live on in people’s lives.
I think of my job of 20 years that I recently left. I hope I made a difference in some parents’ and children’s lives. It all continues on whether we’re there or not. It’s the old, life goes on, life moves on with or without us. But we all want to know our time there mattered.
Perhaps I’m rambling, feeling a bit like I need to cozy up and veg out as I reflect upon hopes and goals for the new year. This morning I stayed in bed a bit longer than usual, read my book while lounging, and then got up to go walking around the track. I focused on why I was walking- was it because I felt I had to as my daily exercise chore or because I wanted to. As I was walking in the sun and wind and my mind was bringing up new ideas for my projects , I felt the enjoyment of my walk and was reminded that I walk everyday because I love it; because I think more clearly and love the energy boost I feel as I increase my pace.
I think it’s time for a little self-TLC and some down time without the self-imposed expectations right now. I will let this week be an ease-up week and hone in on the homefront with what brings me joy and satisfaction – turning to my books, pictures, some journaling and perhaps a winter hike.
Here’s to recharging for 2012 – for new opportunities and new adventures in life.
My daughter gave me this sign as a gift – “It Is What It Is…But it will become what you make it”
Let’s make it Good, Meaningful and Joyful.
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