I like to follow up my interviews with a powerful and important take-away idea. There are many in Michael Hingson’s interview.
What a gift it is to be able to go beyond one’s disability and not let it be the identifying label. As we know, labels put us in boxes. They imprison us and keep us functioning at what the preconceived notion of that disability dictates, and that’s usually an inferior status. And those ‘dictations’ usually come from society and outside sources.
“Blindness is not a handicap; it’s something I’ve always lived with. The real handicap comes from the prejudice people have about blindness.” (Michael Hingson)
Temple Grandin said, “Autism is secondary for me. I define myself by what I do. I look at myself as a professor, a designer first…… I’m seeing too many kids on the autism spectrum where autism is becoming their main fixation.”
When my daughter, Nava, was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 12, my mother began ‘labeling’ her as a ‘sick child’. That bugged the heck out of me because here she was taking her meds which helped keep the colitis under control (until years later when all hell broke loose) and going about her regular daily life of school and after school programs. When the mini-flare ups occurred, we dealt with them and moved on. I tried hard not to let it define our lives by keeping everything as normal and fun as possible and have not having our mind-set be wrapped around sickness.
Similarly with stuttering. Navi is a person who stutters. (Yes, obviously you can say she’s a stutterer.) But again, these fine distinctions go a long way. When we’d go to a restaurant, Navi ordered her food. Now of course my mother would say, “Harriet, you order for her, it’s hard for her, don’t make her do it.” First of all, Navi wanted to order and secondly, I always encouraged her to speak up. Having others do it for her would have given her the negative message of ‘you can’t do it, you know you have a speech problem;’ in other words a message of incompetency. Over time, this could be detrimental to her self-esteem where she might eventually withdraw. The last thing I wanted was for her stuttering to effect her wonderfully outgoing and friendly personality. Then we’d have a double whammy of a problem. Let her be out there talking with her stutter.
Michael Hingson, in his book, Thunderdog, writes poignantly of this concept:
“I don’t think of myself as ‘blind Michael Hingson.’ There are other descriptions that rank much higher. I am also a husband, friend, son , brother, cousin, dog owner, sales manager, physics grad, vintage radio show enthusiast, writer, speaker, networker, barbecue chef, ice cream maker, humorist, book lover, horseback rider, man of prayer, technology geek, pianist, world traveler, and dancer. And that’s just for starters. Blind man is in there somewhere, but far down the list. One of the greatest compliments I get is when someone says, ‘I forgot you are blind.’ Then I know for sure that individual is relating to me as a multi-faceted person, not through the lens of my blindness.”
These differences in perception guide us in how we view ourselves, which impact how we put ourselves out in the world, which therefore effects how we function and live…
Which brings me to the next hugely powerful point of how his parents raised him. “My entire childhood was about finding a way for me to fit in and function in the community, not separating me and treating me as special or disabled. “ He was treated and raised as a regular kid, playing outside with everyone else, being disciplined and responsible.
We dis-able our kids when we coddle them and do all for them because of pity and/or guilt. (This obviously holds true for non-special needs kids as well.) We strip them of their own innate capacities, strength and resources to rise and flourish. They pretty quickly fall into a dependency role and an ‘I can’t do’ mentality and further down the road it becomes victim role and entitlement. That’s the last thing we want for our children, let alone someone who already has ‘issues’ to transcend.
How we view them is how we treat them. If we view them with pity, we treat them such and that is crippling. Pity further handicaps. We want to encourage them to be the best they can be despite whatever issues they have.
Bravo to Michael Hingson’s parents who seemed to instinctively know how to encourage and raise a child to rise above all the odds that would inevitably be out there in the world. He is what all parents wish for their children when they grow up – to be independent, competent, high functioning, happy, productive, in relationship, enjoying life and making a {huge} difference; living a life of meaning, satisfaction and joy. A true success. And a shining light unto others. This is a man with Ability on every front.
Anything here ‘speak’ to you- Disabilities,parenting, perceptions, labels??
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