Last week I was invited to do a coaching session with a support group for people with traumatic brain injury (TBI). My topic was dealing with the holiday season.
When I asked my introductory question, “What does this time of year bring up for you”? the typical answers were shared aloud – celebrating, partying, giving, sharing, presents- all the good stuff.
Just as I was going to shift it to the less upbeat ideas, a woman spoke out and said, “I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble here but for me it brings up loneliness and sadness.” I reassured her of the absolute reality of these feelings for many people; that she’s certainly not alone in her feelings and that she was articulating what many people there were feeling. Because as she said it, many heads shook in agreement. And then more people piped in around these ideas. And so we were off and running- the good, the bad and the honest in-between.
The theme of gratitude was a biggie as many were glad to be alive considering what they had been through.
One man spoke of wishing he were dead since his life is so radically different than Before the accident; he feels no reason to go on living, other than for his children. That’s kept him here for the past 10 years but in a chronic state of purposelessness and emptiness.
I’ve learned that I must be very concrete and specific in my focus for the group and in the points I want to get across. My two for this session were Self-Care {during this time of year} and Giving.
We need to take care of ourselves in order to manage our stressors; and we all have what to give no matter what our issues or limitations are.
We need to give ourselves permission to feel whatever it is we’re feeling – no ‘shoulds’. That way the pressure to feel a certain way – jovial- during holiday season is off.
I ended with the question, “I want you all to give yourself a present; what will that be?”
One guy’s answer was: he’s reducing his sugar intake so he can start to lose weight. How’s that for a great doable baby step; he must’ve had his own private coach!
Another guy is buying himself the present that nobody else will buy for him (as far as he knows); and if he ends up with two, he’ll return the one he bought himself. But he needs to guarantee himself what he really wants.
Everyone gets a chance to talk. It’s very interactive, fun and lively. Everyone is listened to. They shake their heads, nod their heads, clap their hands – the responsiveness to one another is invigorating. And I leave with a big smile on my face in awe of the group.
And so I put this out to you, my readers:
How do you take care of yourself during this holiday season?
How do you give to others?
If this time of year is rough due to loneliness and sadness, then stepping outside ourselves and doing for another is a great ‘mitigator’ of depression. The world expands beyond our own four walls when we think of others and what we can do for them. We all have strengths that can benefit another.
Here’s to a good holiday season for all. Create it the way you like it. Make it reflect You. Add in pieces of Joy and Fun throughout. And if things come to be that is not to your liking, breathe it in and out deeply and think how this too shall pass. It passes all too quickly, it really does.
Goodness and peace to you all.
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