Ever have something lousy happen to you? It seems to have come out of left field. It’s completely out of your control. And you go into that victim mode of “woe is me”.
Even things that aren’t so terrible but to you they evoke that “why is this happening to me” knee-jerk response.
We’ve all been there. I surely have, numerous times: in my terrible (first) marriage, when my daughter was diagnosed with neurological disabilities, to name just a couple.
It’s fine for an initial reaction. After all we have to indulge ourselves in some self-pity. We have to sit and lick our wounds and part of that is feeling victimized. We have to allow for the ‘why me’ mentality. But after a while, you know what it does?
It keeps us focused away from the actual problem and it’s possible solutions.
It saps us of our energy to do something about the problem.
It keeps us stuck in that yucky place of helplessness and powerlessness.
It keeps us feeling out of control.
It keeps us in our own head and away from good coping skills.
And all this gets us…. nowhere.
So here’s what we need to do:
Give ourselves permission for a bit of victimization, some wallowing.
And then begin on the road towards self-responsibility. For it is when we recognize that it is up to us how we respond and handle what befalls us, that we can then make the best of whatever situation we’re in or seek to change it by proactively doing something.
Taking responsibility is empowering. It’s courageous. It’s reflective. It’s authentic. And yes, it’s sometimes painful because we may have to face our own demons as we seek our way out of our problematic situation.
Taking responsibility gets us moving. It puts us in a mode of problem-solving and resourcefulness.
When we begin to do things for ourselves, we feel more in control and more empowered. We start to see and feel that , “yes, I can do this”.
We lean into our internal reservoir of strengths and bring them forth in our time of need.
And yes, we can still feel sad and pained. Not playing victim does not preclude feeling those raw emotions of pain and upset. But we can handle them without letting them handle and take over us.
“Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world…as in being able to remake ourselves.” Mahatma Gandhi
Thanks for dropping by. Where do you fall on the ‘victimhood’ continuum?
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