Loss is a theme that runs throughout our lives. Death is the most obvious and recognized type of loss. However, loss goes way beyond death.
Look at some common everyday events that {surprisingly} connote a loss.
Weaning – where the baby loses the breast and moves on to the cup.
Toilet training – where the baby loses the security of the diaper and moves on to the toilet.
Both involve growth to a next phase. These are what I call positive developmental losses. This may sound like an oxymoron – can a loss be positive. But yes, they are necessary to the growth and development of the child. They certainly cause discomfort for the baby and require getting used to. But they are predictable and natural progressions of life.
The empty nest syndrome can be seen as a loss; a loss of a family structure that has now changed and dwindled down to it’s original one or two person household. The Gypsy Nesters don’t see it that way. They think it’s the greatest thing to have no kids at home anymore – no loss there for them; only excitement for a new phase of life and pride in a job well done. (Do check out their blog; it is very entertaining.)
Many transitions in life can be seen as losses. It’s the loss of the old and familiar. It’s hard to let go of what was. And that’s why many times we remain stuck. But when we can connect to our feelings and to what’s really going on, we can begin to adjust and carve out new ways of living.
However, we need to look at loss in terms of the meaning attached to it. We have to understand what the event means to someone else. And we can’t assume because we might feel something as a loss that someone else might also.
Unemployment may be seen as a terrible loss. Aside from the financial loss, our whole identity may be wrapped up in our job and once that’s gone, a part of us feels gone. Whereas to somebody else it may represent free time while collecting unemployment checks and an opportunity to explore new areas of interest.
When I got divorced, people said to me, “Oh, I’m so sorry” to which I often answered, “don’t be sorry, I’m not.” Now of course it was a loss of a marriage and the break- up of a family which is sad and unfortunate, especially where children are involved. But I personally felt no loss, no grief, only relief.
In general, loss of any nature demands change. This is where growth and transformation comes in.
The losses that shake our very foundation, that hit at the core level of our existence, will naturally require more work to get to that point of change and growth. But it’s certainly doable. We’re all ‘growable’.
Watch for my next post on growing beyond.
What have been some of your positive losses?
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