Character Strengths Push Us Through

Determination, perseverance, optimism and creativity- four character traits or strengths that can carry us far in life and serve us very well.

My recent interviewee, Glenda Watson Hyatt, listed these four qualities as instrumental in helping her live well, together with her personal challenges.

These inner resources of wealth can make all the difference in the world in how we cope and therefore live our lives.  These ‘soft skills’ are the qualities that help us push through when those tough times appear at our doorstep.  They are the strong roots that keep us anchored into the ground even when the rest of us is swaying and we feel like we’re toppling over.

Ms. Hyatt speaks of her optimism that keeps her focused on what she can do and what she does have.   My breakthrough with my daughter, Nava, was just this.  When I discovered years ago that she had neurological deficits, I was distraught with all that she wasn’t and might not do.  It was only when I started to see and appreciate what she was and what she could do, and take pride and revel in her accomplishments, that my ‘grief life’ took a major leap.  I shifted what I focused on (with the help of a wonderful therapist) and thus started my climb up and out of my despair.   This certainly didn’t mean I would never feel bad again for her limitations, but I don’t remain there for too long.  My worked-on mind-set pushes me through it back to my overall baseline of joy and pride that I feel for her.

When Nava first had her ostomy, I was doubtful she would be able to handle it herself due to her weak fine motor skills.  But her determination and perseverance pushed her through to triumph.  She never gave up trying and would get mad at me if I even insinuated that it might just be too hard and that it’s O.K. to have someone do it for her, at least at the beginning.  And so for six months, the ostomy nurses came and practiced with her, showing her different ways of maneuvering the apparatus.  She taught me well because those couple of times when she did cry and say, “I can’t do it”, I was right there telling her back, “of course you can, you’ll get it, it just takes more practice.”   I followed her lead of confidence and determination.

We’re not off the hook by simply saying, “ I’m a pessimist by nature, “ or “I’m not inherently strong or resilient.”  We can learn and incorporate lifestyle behaviors that will promote more of the qualities we want.  We’re on the cutting edge of so much brain research showing how we can train and work our brain to do more of what we want.  There are exercises that promote gratitude, if we want to bring more positivity into our lives; there’s meditation and visualization exercises to bring more clarity, focus, concentration and calmness to ourselves.

There’s no excuse to succumb and fall prey to victimhood.  Focus on the good and we start to see more and more of the good around us.  And when the real problems do arise, we can turn to those strengths.  We all have some.  Start now to develop those muscles and work them with practice; they will serve us well when the need arises.

 

Dr. Martin Seligman came up with 24 signature strengths.  There’s a test you can take to find out how you score on these traits and what your top 5 strengths are.  It’s really interesting to see if the test portrays you as see yourself in terms of your top character strengths.  You can take the test here online, but first you must register.

 

Thanks for reading.  So what are your strengths of character?  What helps you cope with those difficult situations/times?  

Don’t be shy- Comment!