We as human beings all have a need to be seen, heard, understood and validated. There’s nothing like that feeling when we can say, ‘she gets me’. It’s like a balm that penetrates the soul and makes us feel connected and less alone.
Listening is a very powerful tool but unfortunately not well utilized. It certainly needs to be part of a school curriculum and we’d all be better off. I dare say if we learned to listen better, there would be less need for professional listeners, i.e. therapists, for those who need that safe place to unload and vent, to be given that time and space where what they say matters greatly; where it’s all about them. I say this as I myself provide this service and sometimes feel that I’m {just} a glorified listener.
I find many people to be quite self-centered in their conversation style, or perhaps I should say in their monologue style. They love to talk, rarely ask the other questions or show an interest, and when the other finally gets a word in, they quickly sweep it right back to themselves. Those people just need a mirror in which to talk to themselves. I always wonder – don’t they ever get bored of hearing themselves; where’s the interest in hearing about others?
In the book, The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein, there is a great paragraph on listening narrated by a dog: “I never deflect the course of a conversation with a comment of my own. People, if you pay attention to them, change the direction of one another’s conversations constantly….Pretend you are a dog like me and listen to other people rather than steal their stories.”
So here’s a brief list of ways to improve your listening skills:
Lots of healing can take place if we just listened better. It’s a learnable skill. Let’s practice and be more mindful of ourselves in conversation.
Here are some great quotes on listening:
Would love to hear your comments on this. How are you at listening? How do you find others listen when you’re talking, in general or about something difficult?
Excellent advice. Thank you, Harriet.
Hi Myrna, So nice to see you here. I’m glad you like the pointers for better listening.
Great reminder. Very helpful!
Hi Melanie,
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you like.