Focus On What You Have, Not What You Don’t Have

I was just in Israel visiting my grandchildren.  Had a delicious time with six cuties.

Unfortunately my trip was cut short because my mom wasn’t feeling well.  My mom lives at home with full time aides.  However, since I’m an only child, there’s no siblings to step in and cover for me.  My younger daughter is the emergency person when I’m away.

Two years ago, my father died during my once-a -year trip to Israel.  So whenever I go away, my daughter gets a bit anxious.  Couple that right now with being 8 months pregnant and that’s not a good combination for stress levels.

After four days of up and back phone calls about my mother’s condition, the aide having sleepless nights and my daughter’s voice holding back from telling me to please get on a plane and come home, I did just that.

I spent five wonderful child-filled days and then left to the pull at home.

My two older grandsons lost out on a day alone with us to the Old City (of Jerusalem) exploring the tunnels under the Wailing Wall.  It had been booked for today.  Moshe, the almost 11 year old, expressed much disappointment in missing out on this and in our leaving so soon.  He kept insisting that ‘it’s crazy to go home, grandma has a caretaker.’  He’s very articulate and repeatedly said how disappointed he was.

In comes my parenting skill of acknowledging feelings and the positive psychology skill of focusing on what we’ve had, not what we won’t have;  and feelings of gratitude. 

“I know you’re disappointed.  It’s so disappointing when you have things planned and then it doesn’t work out.”

“Let’s focus on the great times we had together this week and not dwell on the fact that we won’t have more next week because I’m leaving.”

“And let’s be grateful for the fun times we had.”

I will reiterate these statements and thoughts when I write him a card next week along with our fun pictures together.

 

My arrival back home has greatly relieved my daughter.  Mom is more stable and doing better.  The aide feels badly that my visit with my family abroad was cut short (now that my mom is doing better), but I reassured her that I made the right decision based on the situation as it presented itself at the time.

And Moshe – well hopefully he’s taken away a positive lesson from a disappointing turn of events.

“Sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t have that we fail to see, appreciate, and use what we do have!”   (Jeff Dixon)     And we had a fun time.

 

Thanks for stopping by to read.