Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
Therapist . Speaker . Author
In looking at my last interview to pull out a theme to hone in on, I realize there are a few common themes running throughout many of my interviews with these inspirational people. They have truly been able to rise above their adversities and create good lives despite…whatever circumstances have befallen them, by developing and exercising a positive attitude, choosing not to live their life as a victim and living with purpose.
Attitude
Choice
Purpose
These are concepts and ways of thinking that we can actively work on within ourselves.
We can work on our attitude. As Ms. Garrison says, “your attitude is the only control you have left in your life….”
We can begin to see we have choices in how we respond. We don’t have to be locked into one way of reacting. We can choose what we focus on – do we hone in on the negatives or do we bring more of the positives to the forefront of our attention. It’s in our control to make conscious choices.
Living with a sense of purpose can help us carry on through our difficulties. So the mother who’s grief-stricken over the (early) death of her husband has a purpose of raising her son. The woman who’s been raped has taken on a cause of changing the system so other victims don’t wait years and years before rape kits are examined.
On a smaller scale of purpose, here’s an example that I focused in on last week. It was a pretty icky and nasty day last Saturday here in New York, weather-wise. We had an early, out of the season, snow fall. My daughter, Nava, who just had her gallbladder surgery 4 days prior, was up for going to synagogue. And so we walked, not too far, about 6 blocks, to Sabbath services. While we’re stepping in puddles and getting pretty wet despite our raingear, I’m almost at the point of complaining how we’re one of the few nuts out walking in this, when I thought of our specific purpose in going out. And that was to express my gratitude, in prayers, for a successful surgery and a healthy outcome.
The point being when we have a cause, a purpose, a reason, it propels us forward and helps us get beyond the hardship. There is something greater, bigger and more important ahead to work towards which make the immediate smaller obstacles easier to deal with.
Purpose is a biggie for me. It’s helped me go through lots of tough times. Being aware of that bigger picture helped move me along despite the {daily} difficulties. That’s not to say I didn’t get exhausted, upset, angry, frustrated and anything else you might think to add to the list, but it was and is a key factor that I can consciously pinpoint that has kept me afloat and intact.
What has done it for you? Is it your attitude, your choices, your purpose that has helped you through your difficulties? If these are too big to think about on a Friday afternoon, then think along smaller lines – something concrete that’s helped you.
Tune in next week when I post a list of bloggers’ responses to a question on getting through tough times.
Hey there,
These are very similar concepts that Tony Robbins hammers into his audience.
He says: ” In the moment of your decision when your destiny is shaped.”
Where decision could be substitute with choice.
Sweet post!
Thanks for the share
Hi Akos,
I ‘know’ you from Tiny Buddha. How nice to ‘see’ you here.
Thanks for reading and commenting. Believe it or not, I haven’t read any of Tony Robbins’ work. I know him for his exercise of walking on hot coals.
But based on what you say, it is similar.
Best to you.
Hey Harriet,
Being ‘on purpose’ is a biggy as you demonstrated when out in the weather – you had a purpose ‘bigger than the elements’. Which leads in part to ‘the big picture” – always have it in mind, keeps one from getting lost.
For me “Choice” is the power denominator, every action comes from choice. We get that right & we’re on easy (er) street, Thank you once again.
be good to yourself
David
Hi Harriet,
A few things that have gotten me through some very recent very rough times:
1. I had to find a source of inspiration. I was immobilzed with a deeper bout of depression than I’ve been through in years which was only brought to the forefront because I broke my left hip last August and the result was 2 months off of work and a very difficult recovery and return. Somewhere along the way I had lost all semblance of anything that even looked like motivation.
2. I had to figure out what was happening because it just plain scared me. Everyday had become a major issue just to get out of bed. I was also dealing with the pain as a result of the surgery on my hip and being a type I insulin dependent diabetic my sugars were all over the place which also contributes to mood swings.I had to figure out a way to start being nice to myself and taking care of me.
3. I had to internalize and take responsibility for how I was feeling and allow myself to feel it and understand it, and know my feelings don’t define who I am.
4. I had to see what about my attitude needed adjusting. My accident merely brought many things to the surface that were festering inside me for a longer period of time than I’d like to admit. I had become “familiar” with being okay with just surviving, avoiding all responsiblity for emotional issues all costs. I had stopped taking any kind of daily inventory, reviewing how my day went giving credit for things i did well and seeing how I could improve on things not done so well without judging myself. i had become content with no fringe benefits from living only the bare necessities, dragging myself through one day to another and another taking no real part in my life. .
5. I found myself in a place where I dreaded getting up, getting ready, and going to work so I called in sick alot and found I wasn’t happy not going to work either. I felt trapped in my house. My world had become so small you could fit it on the head of a pin.
5. I had to start somewhere. I frantically searched the internet for answeres to see if anyone had survived this kind of dark inner turmoil and what worked for them.
6. I got alot of good information. I needed inspiration to open my eyes and see how I was living and that i could make a choice about where I was at and make a choice regarding what to do about it.
7. I started small with baby steps. I got up, forced myself to get ready and go to work. The first days were very hard and seemed to take forever to go by.
8. I began to realize that there was alot going on around me and that I had been closed and negative to my surroundings at work for quite sometime. I had started to hate a job I once loved. I began to invest some time connecting to my coworkers, coming to the conclusion that everybody has their own troubles and that they don’t have to take control of your life. i began to try to listen and stay out of my head. It worked wonders. Slowly but surely I was seeing some purpose come back into my life. I began to think I was worthy. I started seeing some of the positive and trying to avoid the reactionary negative. I started to take an interest in little things as much as possible.
I am still very early on in this conversion but I have made positive gains from where I was a short time ago, all due to an attitude adjustment and a decision to show up for my life..My motivation to live came back and my wanting to pull the covers over my head and hide from the day started to minimize. It amazes me as I come out of the fog how much I was missing. I’m starting to see that each day holds an adventure…a novel idea for the cynic and pessimist. It’s important for me to have a little quiet time in the morning to center myself.
I have started to see that a little effort goes a long way. I am loving my work again and not dreading going in. I’m more interested in accomplishing things with my coworkers than being closed up and alone in a room with others in it.. It has improved my attitude tremendously. I have to remember that if I make an attempt to stay in the moment and day I’m in I’ll be just fine. If I’ve done a good honest days work and given it my best, I’ve had a successful day. If I can give of myself to someone else it’s even better. Some days are easier than others, but I’ve crawled out of that deep dark hole I was sure would consume me.
I try to see all the positives and good in my life and be grateful for them. The other side of that coin is feeling that I’m not good enough and my life isn’t good enough. Gettnig into Tiny Buddha has helped. i’ve found alot of the inspiration I was looking for there. I thought nothing would ever inspire me or motivate me again. Life is looking better than it did from the perspective I was at a couple of weeks ago. I was thinking it was all pointless. Life sucks, then you die.
Thank you for your blog and the ideas that have helped pull me out of that awful place I found myself in. I guess breaking my hip was a blessing in disguise!
Sal
Hi Sally,
I like that – “atttitude adjustment and a decision to show up for my life.”
Numbers 6 and 7 – Choice and Baby steps – key points.
Keep on going along your path – sounds like you’re on your way towards better days. And don’t let any set-back pull you down for too long.
Thanks for reading and responding. Here’s to lots of blessings.
Harriet, aloha. Absolutely love the beautiful image you selected to go with this post. To me, attitude is HUGE and may well affect the choices people make. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes on attitude:
“The last of human freedoms – the ability to chose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” Viktor E. Frankl
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelous
When you think about it, Harriet, these quotes say it all–at least they do for me.
Thus, if I have to pick one of the three, I go with Attitude because how I feel about something or look at a situation impacts my choices. My attitude is always to focus on the things I can do something about and to take action.
Choosing to focus on what I want rather than what I don’t want is key for me. Having an attitude of gratitude for what I have and where I am going serves me well.
Harriet, I love that you remembered why you were out in that weather. Delighted to read that the surgery was successful.
Best wishes for a terrific weekend. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Hi Janet,
Glad to ‘see’ you here and glad you responded to my question. Trying to incorporate your (question) suggestions
Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a favorite of mine. I have half the book underlined and highlighted. Attitude and choice go hand-in-hand.
As the laws of attraction speak of, what we focus on and attend to is what we bring into our lives. With an attitude of gratitude, what we have and appreciate will stand out in our lives more than what we don’t have. That creates that positive attitude.
See you again. So glad we ‘met’.
Hi Harriet,
I just wanted to check in to let you know I got to thinking yesterday about things that are important to me and it boiled down to one thing which in and of itself contains alot of meaning…integrity, and even bigger than that “personal integrity.” It must be what you and Lori are talking about when you mention “authenticity.” I am so happy to be showing up for my life and noticing things that are interesting that I missed all that time (literally a few years) while I was sleepwalking, numbing, and stumbling through the motions of my life which was going on until very recently. If I hadn’t broken my hip in August maybe none of all the things I was starving myself from would have cried out for help, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I wasn’t looking after my needs or being very nice to myself. In fact I was ignoring my life and I’m so pleased to be showing up for it. I’m grateful to have things to work on. I started journaling as you suggested and I find that I type some things down in the morning, small goals to work toward, and at the end of the day I can account for what I did well and give myself some credit, at the same time seeing where there’s room for improvement. Lately the lesson seems to be “how to love people I don’t like much.” It’s a hard one for me because it means I’ve formed an opinion, have feelings about it, and I’m closed to their input. I just sort of dismiss them which devalues them. I need to be more open to finding out what this is all about and how to handle it. Any ideas? I’m so grateful my life is valuable again!
Best,
Sal
Hi Sal,
Glad to hear you’re ‘showing up for your life’ and working on things. Journaling, goals, all sounds great. Guess your hip problem has become a blessing in disguise or not in disguise. It seems to have opened you up to a new way of living your life.
Keep on moving….!
Hi Harriet,
The three concepts discussed here are really critical if we want to live a delightful life. I am not sure if they all can be connected in some ways that will enhance our lives. Does good attitude leads better choices? Is choice dependent on our purpose?
The more I look at it them, the more I feel that purpose is the main driver of our lives. It is the compass of our life. Without it, can we make choice or decisions well? We will be clueless right? Or we will make foolish decisions.
When we have the purpose, we will also automatically cultivate the right attitude to many things. Purpose awaken us to the hidden attitudes that allows us to make good choices in life.
Hi Jimmy,
Yes, they are really interconnected. I also feel that purpose is the ‘main driver of our lives’. It’s our compass to direct us and from that comes our decisions.
Thanks for dropping by.
Your wedding bliss is coming up soon…..I hear the bells!!
Hi Harriet,
The comment about “where your feet are” was from me…Sal. I’ll remember from now on to include my name at the end of a comment.
Blessings & Hugs,
Sal
Hi Sal,
Oh, that was you on Alex’s site where my guest post was. Thanks for coming over there to read the rest of the post.