Harriet Cabelly, LCSW
Therapist . Speaker . Author
I once again realized the importance of some basic human needs we all have.
This came to me upon reflection of the support group meeting of moms of special needs children that I facilitated a few days ago.
We were an intimate group sitting comfortably on a soft, thick-pillowed, fall-into circular couch; the kind from which you don’t want to get up. We were so engaged in conversation that when one of the ladies decided it might be time to go home and I looked at my watch, it was 3 hours later. Wow, talk about being in the flow.
The amount of expression, understanding and support that emerged was well worth the fewer hours of sleep that night.
It rang so loud and clear that we need:
A chance to tell our story
To be listened to
To be understood
To be acknowledged
To be supported
To be touched, stroked and held
To have our painful feelings held in acceptance and dignity
We need a place to:
Unload
Express our innermost thoughts and feelings
Share our vulnerabilities
Cry
Chill out
Get away
Connect
I felt these needs met by and for each mom. I felt this place to be a haven for the 3 hours we were together. I felt privileged to be a part of this meeting of hearts, minds and souls.
I’ve heard people talk about support groups in a negative way as a place where misery loves company. I guess that’s a perspective. But to me this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
It’s about people being there for one another in support and understanding.
Twenty nine years ago, I attended a support group for moms of babies born with disabilities. It was one of my greatest life-savers. To feel my intense pain acknowledged, validated and completely understood was a feeling like no other. At a time of tremendous sadness and feelings of isolation with all my negative emotions, to be embraced by a strong connection of understanding was comfort food to my soul.
We were six women from totally different walks of life who shared a most basic commonality – deep pain and sorrow in finding out our babies had life-long compromising conditions. The feelings felt and expressed knew no differences. We were all mothers bleeding the same color blood. Our wounds were raw and exposed , and we were there for one another to begin the process of dabbing at it, cleaning it and preparing it for healing. It was a year- long journey of softening our blows.
I hope and pray that I give over even a fraction of the warmth, comfort and hope that was given to me in my life-affirming support group 29 years ago.
Thank you for reading. If any of you have ever been part of a support group, I’d love for you to share your thoughts on it.
Connections and support are very important Harriet, as you have discovered and then re affirmed.
be good to yourself
David
Hi David,
Support is sooo important. It feeds our soul.
Thanks for your words.
Harriet,
I’m so glad you found some relief and connection. While I don’t know how you feel, I do know finding support from others who have walked the same path is healing.
Continued blessings to you,
Alex
Hi Alex,
Nice to ‘see’ you here at my blog. It’s all healing and good stuff.
Thank you for your soothing words.
So heartfelt and encouraging Harriet. I think you’re absolutely right about perspective. Choosing to have a group that is actually…well supportive, as opposed to anything else will and obviously did for you, make all the difference. I’m happy for it…for you.
Hi Elle,
Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words. Yes, so much is about perspective; and yes, about being and feeling supported – it makes a big difference.
This post left me feeling very happy for all of you. I’m glad you have each other and have created a safe place of support. That big comfy couch sounds pretty wonderful, too. 😉
Hi Tara,
Great ‘seeing’ you here again. Glad the happiness flowed through to you.
“Safe” is an important word and concept too.
Thanks for your comment. Can’t you just picture sinking in to that plush, leathery, comfy couch?!
Wow Harriet, I get it. What a powerful evening you have described with the parents of special needs support group.I’m sure your experience 29 years ago and your energy was the catalyst for a rare opportunity for parents to connect, share, and support one another in such meaningful way. Life is funny in that way.
Hi Beth,
Thanks for coming by and commenting. Yes,life is funny. Sometimes it seems to come full circle. I’m thrilled to be a part of it in a giving way.
Harriet,
I have been retweeting your posts every single day – did you know that you don’t have your “handle” in there? It says, @wordpressdotcom.
Hi Angela,
Thanks for retweeting my posts. I don’t know how to correct that. I’m just learning all this stuff. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Hi Harriet,
Love your post. The idea of a support group is wonderful for so many situations. To be in a session for three hours without realizing the time, makes me think some real sharing and support was going on. How wonderful for those moms. My situation is different, but I am a big fan of support groups.
HI Cathy,
Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Glad you liked the post. Yes, real sharing was going on. It was lovely.
I’m sure you get wonderful support in other ways.
‘See’ you again.