How Do We Empower One Another?

Everybody needs to feel empowered.

Nobody likes to feel stripped of their abilities and autonomy.

No matter how limited a person or situation is, they must be able to have even the smallest sense of control.   Their voice needs to be heard in some fashion.

This was the powerful message that came out of the TBI (traumatic brain injury) group I led last week –   to feel unheard and have no say in one’s own treatment plan is very disempowering and leads to feelings of depression and apathy.

This struck me hard as this is in complete juxtaposition to what people in need need.   Even those not in need; but how much more so for those in compromised situations where they already feel ‘less than’.

What do they need?  What do we all need?

1.  Lots of acknowledgment of what they’re saying so they feel understood.
2. Encouragement to attempt what they want, however unrealistic we feel it might be.  (as long as it’s not hazardous to their health and safety)
3. Joint partnership between helper and helpee.  Input must be welcomed and respected.  The balance of power must be equalized despite the helper’s expertise.
4. Wants, desires, agendas taken into account and granted in even the smallest possible way so they can feel in control of their life, somewhat.

It can’t just be about what the ‘big’ guy wants – the doctor, the shrink, the caretaker, the parent.  The one being cared for needs to have a say.  It’s hard enough to be in a dependent position; therefore sensitivity towards empowerment is even more important to their emotional state.

There’s always something a person can decide upon and feel a sense of control over.

My mother has around-the-clock aides.  She gets furious and agitated when she feels bossed around by them or feels they’re running the show.  The truth is they are.  But she needs to feel she can make decisions; and so on the less important things, even if they’re redundant or expensive, we let her do her thing so she feels she’s still managing her life to some degree.    This is so vital when one is physically dependent upon others.  Some sense of an autonomous self must be felt.

A young child fights tooth and nail over the ‘big’ parent’s control.  Give {even} a 3 year old some decision –making powers and some of those power struggles subside as he gains mastery and some control in his little world.  (Besides being a great beginning in teaching responsibility, consequences and a host of other necessary life skills.)

There’s nothing that brings out feelings of competency and confidence more than giving people the opportunity to do for themselves what they can.    I worked hard at this with my daughter, Nava, who has disabilities.

Empowerment goes a long way in helping people feel good beyond their circumstances.  And then they can take that next step forward.

 

Where do you see empowerment in your life?  How have you empowered others?